Understanding the 3 Parts of the Brain:
Brain in the Palm of Your Hand Parenting Reminders:
1. It is NOT a character flaw if you’re flipping your lid with your children or feeling triggered by their behavior. Rather, a flipped lid is a physiological response to stress. Your “ruptures in connection” as a parent are part of the human experience, and simply reflect unmet basic needs, high stress and where you’re developing new tools and support that you didn’t receive as a child yourself.
2. A flipped lid is also NOT the time to problem solve or discipline your children. With a flipped lid, no one can access logic and problem solving, or the ability to regulate emotions. It takes practice to teach yourself as a parent to take a break before (or right after) you flip your lid to prevent either yelling or shutting down. Staying connected to your prefrontal cortex is a muscle that can be strengthened, just like going to the gym. Yet, as a parent you will never completely eliminate flipped lid/ ruptures in connection moments as they are part of the human experience.
3. For now, bring your gentle awareness to when you tend to flip your lid. After it happens, practice calling it out matter of factly with compassion for yourself. This “name it to tame it” approach is the first step of strengthening your muscles of connection, and it can be uncomfortable.
4. Then with a flipped lid, practice returning to problem solving and developing solutions for next time when everyone is calm and connected again, and everyone’s prefrontal cortex is engaged. It is important to wait at least 20 minutes or even save this problem solving for the next day.
Both parents and children experience triggers and “ruptures in connection” as part of the human experience.
1) This week, gently observe what your triggers are to “flipping your lid” with your children?
2) And when do your children tend to “flip their lid?”