I hear it in my clients' voices, and in my own mind's doubt:

That will never be good.

That we're too much.

And sometimes like we're both too much and not enough....How is that feeling even possible?

😭When we shame our kids without any intention to do that. Like the shame comes out of nowhere.

😭Then, we shame ourselves as parents because we should know better.

😭Then, we shame ourselves for shaming ourselves.

It's an insidious shame spiral that feels never-ending because it's beyond logic and conscious choice. None of us wants to be shaming ourselves or our children.

What to remember about shame?

  1. Shame is like slime. It gets all over us and is hard to remove. Shame is like a slime that seeped into our pores and cells when we were kids. Shame is a tool of white supremacy to keep the masses oppressed. Because shame is such a part of the "old school" discipline practices we were raised with, it's with us on a cellular level. And it's been wired into our DNA as humans for the past 500 years.
  2. Shame rears its ugly head when we're stressed. Stored in the stress response system is the way each of us was disciplined as kids ourselves. We can keep what we don't like about the way we were raised at bay until we are stressed. When we flip our lid, the shame escapes, and we're all of a sudden using "that tone" with our kids, yelling in a way that's inadvertently putting them down, or beating ourselves up for said responses because it's all a learned, cellular response.
  3. Embracing our humanity is part of the antidote. We can’t heal shame by shaming ourselves for feeling it. The moment we remember that we’re human too and most humans today are trying to detox and decolonize the shame, the cycle begins to shift.

When we stop expecting perfection and start meeting ourselves with compassion, our children feel that softness too. They learn that being human means making mistakes, learning, repairing, and growing together.

When we remember that STRESS is the PROBLEM, not us and not our kids.

It’s not about never “flipping our lid.” It’s about recognizing it, owning it, and coming back into connection and empowerment both with ourselves and our children. So we become stronger from our human responses, not weaker.

This is the work of Upgrading our Parenting in 2025: letting go of perfection,  reclaiming our humanity, and building families rooted in compassion and emotional freedom through the stress and shame of this human existence. 💜

Let's do the work to Shed the Shame 2025: for ourselves and to interrupt the negative intergenerational cycle of passing down shame to our children.

💜 The Upgrade Our Parenting 2025 guide gives you the map and some foundational pieces, but every family’s path and journey is unique.

💜In your $99 1:1 Upgrade Session, we’ll get down to work bringing the upgrades alive for your family. You'll bring 1–2 real-life challenges or goals that matter most right now, whether that’s sibling conflict, emotional regulation, power struggles, or parenting stress and overwhelm.

You’ll leave the session with:
✅ A customized plan of action
✅ Practical brain-based tools
✅ Clarity on how to create more peace and cooperation in your home

This is a simple, powerful way to ground your family’s 2025 upgrades in real change.

Book your session today ➜ here before they go poof for 2025!

P.S.  You can start with the free guide — but the real transformation happens when we customize the upgrades together.