Now you have an understanding of Kindness and Firmness as a parenting Style, you honored the parenting style or styles you were raised with, and your natural place of Kindness and Firmness, let’s help you develop your Assertive Parenting Presence.
In the last video, I mentioned that Confidence sits on a foundation of Connection. Confidence is a deep inner security and trust in yourself, your strengths and your Connection with your Best Self. Within this definition of confidence, you’ll experience ups and downs in life, but as your belief system, you are Confident in your Connection with yourself to guide you through the ups and downs of parenting and in life. If you are not in a place of Connection, it will be challenging to be Confident, Assertive and Kind and Firm at the same time. In times of parenting disconnect, we usually become mean (overly firm) or we give in (overly kind) due to stress.
Assertiveness is defined as ” being able to stand up for your own own or other people’s rights in a calm and positive way, without being aggressive or passive.” Assertiveness sends the message of Love AND Respect, and is connected to the development of your parenting style of Kindness AND Firmness at the same time. Assertiveness is a skill we don’t see modeled for us that often in society and most of us grew up in families that were passive in communication or aggressive – or maybe even passive aggressive.
Conscious Discipline says Assertiveness sends the message of “just do it!” to your children and the trick is to be confident, clear, loving AND respectful, kind AND firm – in a NON ATTACHED way. Because Assertiveness is Confidence, without being FORCEFUL.
The coolest thing about Assertiveness is that it is unique for all of us. You all have a “Uniquely You Assertive Presence.” This Confidence and Assertiveness for most of us is an untapped potential, and an under-developed gift that we GET to help you develop in Happy Home. Assertiveness tends to be an abstract concept in parenting because most of us didn’t have Assertiveness modeled for us.
How do we develop Assertiveness?
Parenting Practice for the Week:
Step #1: Select one of the Kind and Firm communication tools you’d like to practice this week with your children.
Step #2 is practice. How do you learn how to do anything – whether it’s riding a bike or learning a new language or instrument or developing your assertive presence – you practice it. You can sit in front of a mirror – or watch this video with your mate or co-parent and do this together. Practicing saying your Kind and Firm communication tool that you want to use with your children and say it aloud. Remember the power of Congruency from Week 1 Do Statements. Your Assertive Presence is a combination of tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and your Confident and Connected thoughts and feelings. Commit to practicing your Assertive Presence and Kind and Firm Positive Discipline tool every day this week, just like you’re practice the guitar or piano or learning a new language. The #1 way to grow your Assertive presence is to practice it – so have fun with it and enjoy the practice!
Step #3: Practice using the tool consistently with your children all week. Human nature is that we try something once and we’re like that works or that doesn’t work and then we forget about it. In your happy home we practice proactive consistency to create new positive patterns and teach life skills to your children. so connect to using this tool consistently for the whole week, that way you can really make it your own you can understand how to make subtle shifts and little tweaks to make the tool most effective and to feel most confident and assertive when you speak it. And in the process you’ll be creating that positive pattern with your children. Again have fun with it and I look forward to connecting with all of you in our coaching sessions and helping you develop an assertive image or affirmation to complement this work.