Now that I have a tween, shows and movies are one of the ways we bond.
When he was little, I never considered media Quality Time - but now it's definitely part of the package.
This week, we caught his first episode of the Dog Whisperer. This show has a special place in my heart because my mom loved it so.
I also have known first year elementary school teachers who've watched 50+ episodes of the Dog Whisperer to develop their assertiveness. And I was reminded why this week.
Now all I want to talk about in our FB group and on IG are Dog Whisperer lessons that are so helpful to parenting. (Click the links to join the convo.)
Here's some of my favorite lessons below for you to enjoy.
(Please note: Use your own discretion. Not every Dog Whisperer tool is applicable to parenting and supporting your children. I'm trying to help us move away from a behaviorist reward model, which dogs thrive on and children's brains do not. Also, sometimes Cesar gets calmly, but definitely physically alpha with the dogs. This tactic is NOT applicable to parenting and working with your children. Again, use your own discretion. Children are NOT dogs.)
Lesson #1: Understand the belief behind behavior
Dog Whisperer Cesar is the master at decoding the underlying belief and root cause of the dog's behavior.
"That dog's bark is insecure."
"This dog thinks they're the boss."
From that place of understanding where the dog is coming from, Cesar brings in the tools of transformation.
Children have underlying beliefs behind their behavior too. In Positive Discipline, we call these underlying beliefs influencing children's behavior Mistaken Goals.
"You only pay attention to me when I misbehave."
"You love ____ more than me."
"No one loves me."
"I'm out of control, so I will control ____."
"I'm scared of my power/anger."
"I can't do it."
"I'm not ___ enough."
When you understand the subconscious belief behind your child's behavior, you can bring in the most empowering tools to meet your child's needs. And the challenging behavior is no longer needed. Use the Mistaken Goal Chart here.
Lesson #2: Check your Energy
The Dog Whisperer always points out the energy that the owners are bringing to their dogs' challenging behavior.
Whether it's insecurity, fear, doubt or frustration, Cesar always points out how the owner is energetically responding to their dog's behavior.
How true is this to parenting!
If we know dogs are reading their owner's energy and then responding to it, this even more true for our children who are wired to mind read our thoughts, feelings and emotional states.
So, as you step into your week, compassionately check your own energy in response to your children's behavior.
Are you feeling....
* full of doubt?
* overall insecure?
Your child will feed your energy, and respond to you with even more frustrating, insecure, doubtful, fearful and frustrating behavior.
Lesson #3: Assert. Then Relax.
You are a positive leader in your family.
The Dog Whisperer teaches owners how to be a positive alpha leader by "Asserting and then Relaxing."
You hold the container for your children's behavior.
Your kids are the sponge growing their brains off of your brain.
Assertiveness is KEY.
Yet, sadly many parents today have a negative association with assertiveness. Maybe you've had mean, domineering, aggressive adults in your life?
Maybe when you were a kid, everyone was passive?
Or maybe your parents were passive aggressive?
Healthy assertiveness is a gift that your kids are here to help you develop.
Your children need you to lead them with love and respect.
Part of that is holding the container for them.
Maybe through modeling positive behavior, setting a healthy boundary, or staying connecting to what you DO want your children to do.
You ASSERT the positive, and then you RELAX.
This is essential!!
Many parents assert, and then force compliance or stay attached to the outcome of children's behavior.
When you "Assert. Then Relax." - you send the message of trust, belief, and an overall "all is well message" to your children which facilitates cooperation.
This week, practice being that positive leader through assertiveness, and then relaxing into what is.
Have fun working with this Dog Whisperer lessons to support your parenting:
1) Understanding the Belief Behind the Behavior.
2) Check your Energy.
3) Assert. Then Relax.
Let me know what you thought of these lessons! Click reply to this email to share your thoughts on parenting with Dog Whisperering lessons.
You Got This.
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!