just say yes?

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the goal
in positive discipline
is to make your life
easier + more enjoyable

so you love the marathon
of your life + parenting
while also teaching
valuable life skills
to your children

in parenting + in life
it's easy for the negative
to hijack the positive

misbehavior
stress
+
challenges
can easily take over

like in this negative cycle of
saying no to your children ->
power struggles ensuing ->
then giving in + saying yes

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Do you recognize this cycle?

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this is definitely not a "feel good" cycle
and it's one of the most common
negative cycles in parenting
most of us can relate to

here's some tips
to transform this cycle
so when your children
make requests
you feel like
the calm + confident leader
in your family or classroom
you are here to be

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1. Press pause and breathe
very often our children have
a sense of urgency in their requests
- which can make us feel pressured
to respond immediately -
in reality 
there usually is no rush
so 3 deep breathes helps everyone
slow down so you can think proactively 

2. Affirm what your child says
this is one of my favorite tools
to help children feel heard
and
to "buy us more time"
to formulate our decision
Example:
"I hear that you really want
_____. "
(the toy, screen time, dessert, etc.)

3. Get clear on your answer:
Once you've slowed down the moment
and affirmed your children,
it's time to decide if the answer is:
yes, no, or maybe

-> If your answer is yes:
that's usually the easiest
although it may be helpful
to set the parameters...

"Ok that sounds good and
remember to...."

"Sure, that's fine and
in ___ minutes
it will be time to ___."
 
-> if your answer is "no:"
this is one of my favorite tools
"i love you and the answer is no"

if your answer is no,
it can be helpful
to let your children know
in a kind way:
"my answer is the same
no matter how much you ask"

also letting your children know
that it's ok to be disappointed
is an essential life lesson

in positive discipline
we talk about building children's 
"disappointment muscles"

giving your children permission to
be upset/ cry/ feel sad or disappointed
is very empowering
"it's ok to feel upset/sad or disappointed"
(but be good to yourself and
don't practice this tool
of developing disappointment muscles
in your children when
you are tired, hungry or stressed)
 
-> if your answer is maybe:
this is usually the hardest scenario
and the one that takes quick thinking

some questions to help your decision-making:
* is saying yes/no going to hurt anyone?
* is saying yes/no going to make my life
easier/harder in the longer run?
* is saying yes/no teaching something negative?
* is there any real reason to say no?
 
i hope you enjoyed
these tips
to transform the
"no" -> power struggle -> "yes"
cycle in parenting

so you feel like
the calm + confident leader
in your family
you're here to be

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Would you like some extra parenting support?

---

whether it's 
individualized support
to bring this tool alive
in your home
or 
extra support
with a current parenting challenge
every parent deserves
individualized support
to give back to our community
for a limited time only 
i'm offering complementary
20 minute coaching sessions

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Have a wonderful week!

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