in between

bitter sweet
this week was
my son 
finished kindergarten
and my teacher 
of the last 10 years passed away
a week of endings
before  new beginnings

but first
in between
where 
i drag my feet
because 
change
letting go
is hard work
of the heart

death
right after it happens
numbs me
my whole being 
says no it isn't so
i'll miss you too much

change
themes of my life
yet i mourn it
before 
i accept it

we had a beautiful last week of school
culminating in the annual award's ceremony
in our Education for Life school
this is the way the year ends
with a special recognition of each & every child
for who they are
and who they've blossomed into over the last 9 months
the honoring of this unfolding
always gets me a little teary

and my son
"i don't want to leave kindergarten"
and me sad
because the school year has ended
our beloved teacher Helen
now part of our extended school family
but not our teacher anymore
not only was she my son's kindergarten teacher
but she was my teacher too

the close of kindergarten
children's gifts unfolding
i might always be a little emotional about
but this week
this goodbye
felt even more  
with the  death of our dear monk
who left us in the physical realm this week

not at first believing 
another person 
so special to me
was leaving this earth
death 
part of life
ringing true

rites of passage
elder's death
children's growing up
life 
so vulnerable
so precious

my life today
your life today
whatever it is we experience
it's true and real
even when we wished it weren't

have you ever watched....

Photo by Rachelle Duren-Bernardi

the exact moment
when the sun dips
behind the horizon
on the ocean
and
it almost makes a sound

---

when you know 
sun
back
tomorrow

but it seems 
so final
for you know 
tomorrow
for better or worse
won't be the same 
as today

but you trust
life will go on
even when it feels 
like it won't
it does
and sometimes
we slow down
to mourn the change
of name + form
of space + time
of years + life
but it all goes on
time eternal
as my son says
another name for one is infinity
for we all go full circle

so this week, dear friends
what has ended in your world to give birth to a new tomorrow?
what change are you mourning so you can fully embrace your today?
what ending from yesterday brings you new life?

how can you honor your place of in between?
like the sound the sun makes
in that moment
when it disappears 
behind the ocean
and it's not night
nor is it day