2020 isn't letting up anytime soon.

This week, the West coast is on fire and in Oregon 40,000 people have been evacuated from their homes and whole towns destroyed.

2020 is marathon training for the human experience.

This past week - and really since March - Mr. Roger's quote keeps passing through my mind:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"

But, even that quote has been questioned and "romanticized."

Because the truth is, it's not just looking for the helpers.
This time is about BECOMING the helpers.

Becoming the helper spans the spectrum of helping yourself, your kids and your community. This week how can you Become the Helper?

* Helping Yourself: Tune into yourself and take one positive action steps to meet your basic needs for: food, water, sleep, quality time with yourself and the other adults in your life, positive outlets to express high emotions in healthy ways and support for the stress you face.

* Helping your Kids: Provide a secure base and a safe haven for your children. Spend time on the floor or next to your kids following their lead in play and life. Enjoy your children. Appreciate their beautiful smiles, all the cool things they are into and where they are developmentally. Laughing and playing with your kids - and simply enjoying them is the best way to help them. 

* Helping with the West coast Fires: Join the People's Disaster Relief here on Facebook. Follow the Emergency Mutual Aid Fire Relief organized by Don't Shoot Portland and Fires Igniting the Spirit. Click here and here on Instagram or Facebook here. 

In these times, open up to what "Becoming the Helper" means for you. 

How can you really take that leadership role in your life, family and community to do  what is right and stand for goodness during these stressful times?
​

Dear Parents,

Life can feel pretty bleak right now.

In Oregon, we're getting ready to begin another 3+ months of virtual school and the state is hotbed for white supremacy.

Our communities continue to face mental health challenges connected to the reality of living today, and there is a pandemic on a pandemic for Black Americans.

Election stress disorder is a now a term.
 
Stress  has become the new normal for parents.

This isn't an easy time to be a parent. ​

Wondering - or getting curious - is one of our top parenting tools, especially during this time of high stress.

Parenting can feel most challenging when life feels rigid and/or chaotic.

And let's face it, daily and societal life is a big combination of rigidity and chaos right now.

It's easy to want to shut down or give up in defense or to get anxious or depressed - and these are all natural human responses to these times.

Yet, sometimes our natural coping mechanisms can lock us into negative patterns in our lives. If you feel like this might be the case for you, try the power of wondering.

Wondering frees up new possibilities and positive change in ways that are both simple and profound for our home life and our world at larger. 

Think about a parenting problem that is causing you stress, and take a wondering journey with it.

Here's some examples of wondering that parents have used and found helpful:

* I wonder what my child is teaching me right now?

* I wonder how we can work together through this challenge?

* I wonder how I can make my life easier in this moment?

* I wonder if a boundary would be helpful here?

* I wonder what is something I can do right now to nourish my soul?

* I wonder what unexpected blessings we can find in this time?

* I wonder what is one anti-racist action step I can take today or how I can practice self care?

* I wonder how I can further my commitment to racial justice and equity?

* I wonder what societal advancements in racial justice and equality this generation will experience from this time?

When we wonder, we open up to new possibilities to create positive change in our homes and our world.

Let's DO THIS  POSITIVE PARENTING for SUMMER 2020!!

As we begin a summer like no other with stress levels higher than ever.... we have to consciously come together to create SUMMER FUN + MAGIC.

Summer Magic is a virtual parenting workshop designed to:

• maximize positive change in your home and community.
• help you STRESS LESS and recover from "homeschooling" the last 3 months.​
• have more simple FUN + MAGIC with your children.​
• GET your kids off their SCREENS and get connected this summer!

In Summer Magic 2020, I share the process I use to kick off every summer season.

Summer Magic provides the structure and framework to have clarity of mind and heart: the key to - have an amazing summer!

What a tragic week in the world.
But, really what a tragic 400 years in human history.

Our country is founded on racism and white supremacy. 

Racism is part of the American fabric like apple pie, and woven into our educational, law enforcement and judicial systems that we as white people benefit from daily. 
So, if we're shocked and saddened stay with that - we should be. 
But please don't stay quiet; let's not pretend to be victims. There's a book called "White Fragility" for a reason.

And all of us who are white are racist until we actively choose and act differently.
Unlearning racism is a lifetime journey.
None of us are born racist, but we are socialized that way from birth.
Every day, we as white people actively benefit from racism.
Now is the time when we get to decide where we put our voice and if we are willing to learn the REAL history and reality of this country.
Awareness is only the first agent of positive change.
Today in this very moment, we get to decide if we are going to see the TRUTH of centuries of racism in this country.
White people who see the TRUTH, we must now commit to 100% more action.
Don't let Black families carry this burden.
We can stand in solidarity on social media. Educate ourselves.
Ask our elected officials what they are doing. Put pressure on them.
Call our police departments to inquire how their department is going to proactively respond and ask/encourage/demand that our tax dollars be spent on trainings in racial profiling and implicit bias.
Until people in public safety are tried to the fullest extent of the law for murdering innocent Black citizens, commit to staying active.
As long as the law protects the murder of Black lives at the hand of "public safety," while white terrorists are peacefully arrested - keep talking, sharing and stay active.
Our civic duty as white people is to stop racism with more education and more action.  Resource list to come. 

It's Day 71 of social distancing.
2 months and one week of this #quarantinelife.
Can you believe it?

We're all stressed as parents today.
It's just a matter of how stressed.

Even if you're enjoying this time,
it's not like it's always easy.

And sadly, for some families it is a full on crisis.

This time hasn't always been fair to our children or to us.

We all can benefit from a little stress check-in,
so we can get the support we need during this time
and prepare for the next leg of the journey.
Mental Health is our health!

So, I invite you to: 1) look over the information below to reflect on your stress levels. 2) Email me your response, so I can help get you the proper support.

And for free crisis support during the corona virus:
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor or click here for the crisistextline website.
For more resources, visit Mental Health America here.

Directions:
STEP #1: Read through the information below and reflect upon which number or combination of numbers best captures your stress levels during this time.

STEP #2: Then please respond to this email, so I can best support you or get you the support you need during this time.
Stress Level #1: 
Parenting is never easy, but our life is actually better during this quarantine.

Stress Level #2: 
My kids are on a screen too much, fighting more, struggling to get school work done from home, and/or resisting more and listening less - yet what family isn't struggling with this right now? 

Stress levels are higher, yet we have the support to manage for the most part.

Stress Level #3:
It's really hard right now to juggle working from home, kids school work, and how to keep them occupied when they're not in school.

We're experiencing a lot of meltdowns, temper tantrums and power struggles.

I'm already stressed, and my kids' behavior is stressing me out even more. It feels like my head is barely above water.

Stress Level #4: 
I dread this time. It's one of the hardest times of my life. It's like a storm most days. There are times when the children's behavior is out of control, and I feel out of control as well. 

I'm at a loss on how to co-exist as a family during this and/or I am dealing with significant financial or relationship stressors.

I feel triggered most of the time, and very anxious and/or depressed.

Stress Level #5:
I am living in crisis mode. This time is triggering other traumatic times in my life, and I'm living in fight, flight or freeze most of the day.

I am experiencing any of the following:
*A struggle to get out of bed 
*Getting so angry at my children, I fear I might mistakenly hurt them.
*Panic attacks 
*Living in fear of the future.
*I'm not coping well, and I'm concerned about my mental health.
*I feel like it's going to take a long time to recover from this time, and that I may have PTSD from this time or this time is triggering my PTSD.

For free crisis support during the corona virus:
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor or click here for the crisistextline website.
For more resources, visit Mental Health America here.

#1) Your child is both more SENSITIVE + STRONG-WILLED than other children. 
"Power struggle" may be their middle name. Or at the very least, you never know when the next battle of wills is going down in your living room.

On the flip side, your child might be extra sensitive to routines, lack of sleep, being hungry, or having to go to the bathroom - and the emotions of others.

#2) Your child is highly intelligent, but struggles with self-regulation.
Maybe your child has an "engineer" brain, yet has a short fuse and goes from zero to 100  at the drop of a hat?

#3) Your child is deep. Does your child have a profound understanding of life, and "get things" that other kids would never notice or say?

#4) Your child is power tripping. Is your child confused: do they think they are the parent, not you? Or maybe your child fights you every.single.step of the way for power and control?

#5) Choices don't work for your child. Giving choices work for every child, right? But, not your kiddo. They come up with choice #3 - or #4 because they have to have everything their way.

#6) Your child gets physical. Maybe it's hurting their siblings, you or themselves - your child is prone to violence when they're upset. And sometimes they get out of control, 

#7) You seriously worry about what your child will be like when they're a teenager. Do you find yourself thinking, if my child is like this now what are they going to be like when they're a teenager??

Spirited children have always blessed us with their presence. Yet, I've been working with families for over 7 years and lately 80-90% of the children I work with are "spirited." There's a reason for this:

Spirited children are EXACTLY what our world needs right now.

* Spirited children bring the exact balance of empathy, intuition and leaderships skills that our world so desperately needs.

* Yet, they are some of the hardest children to parent. 

So if you have a spirited child, please know you're not alone. Sign up below to join us for the Spirited Child Virtual Workshop in July 2020 and to access your Spirited Child Guide. 

 As soon as you join The Spirited Child Community, the Spirited Child Guide will be sent your way full of helpful tips and tools to parenting your spirited child with LOVE + RESPECT. See you soon for the Spirited Child Virtual Workshop!

Now that I have a tween, shows and movies are one of the ways we bond. 

When he was little, I never considered media Quality Time - but now it's definitely part of the package.

This week, we caught his first episode of the Dog Whisperer. This show has a special place in my heart because my mom loved it so.

I also have known first year elementary school teachers who've watched 50+ episodes of the Dog Whisperer to develop their assertiveness. And I was reminded why this week.

Now all I want to talk about in our FB group and on IG  are Dog Whisperer lessons that are so helpful to parenting. (Click the links to join the convo.)

Here's some of my favorite lessons below for you to enjoy.

(Please note: Use your own discretion. Not every Dog Whisperer tool is applicable to parenting and supporting your children. I'm trying to help us move away from a behaviorist reward model, which dogs thrive on and children's brains do not. Also, sometimes Cesar gets calmly, but definitely physically alpha with the dogs. This tactic is NOT applicable to parenting and working with your children. Again, use your own discretion. Children are NOT dogs.) ​

Dog Whisperer Cesar is the master at decoding the underlying belief and root cause of the dog's behavior.

"That dog's bark is insecure."

"This dog thinks they're the boss."

From that place of understanding where the dog is coming from, Cesar brings in the tools of transformation.

Children have underlying beliefs behind their behavior too. In Positive Discipline, we call these underlying beliefs influencing children's behavior Mistaken Goals.

"You only pay attention to me when I misbehave."

"You love ____ more than me."

"No one loves me."

"I'm out of control, so I will control ____."

"I'm scared of my power/anger."

"I can't do it."

"I'm not ___ enough."

When you understand the subconscious belief behind your child's behavior, you can bring in the most empowering tools to meet your child's needs. And the challenging behavior is no longer needed. Use the Mistaken Goal Chart here.  ​

The Dog Whisperer always points out the energy that the owners are bringing to their dogs' challenging behavior. 

Whether it's insecurity, fear, doubt or frustration, Cesar always points out how the owner is energetically responding to their dog's behavior.

How true is this to parenting!

If we know dogs are reading their owner's energy and then responding to it, this even more true for our children who are wired to mind read our thoughts, feelings and emotional states.

So, as you step into your week, compassionately check your own energy in response to your children's behavior.

Are you feeling....
*frustrated?
* full of doubt?
* fearful?
* overall insecure?
Your child will feed your energy, and respond to you with even more frustrating, insecure, doubtful, fearful and frustrating behavior.

Now that the flowers and chocolate are over
- or the expectations for flowers and chocolate -
and I hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day!

Let's get REAL about LOVE.

Sometimes love is the
easiest,
purest,
most graceful & noble thing
on planet earth.

And  other times love is the
most challenging,
trying,
difficult
task and calling of being human.

So as you begin this next week in the life of you...
As you step into life post V Day...
Walking the path of many ups and downs that is every day....

How can you can LET GO of the need to be RIGHT
with your loved ones,
so you can STAY IN the LOVE? ​