It's ok to....
Ask for what you want/need for Mother's Day.
Or to make it happen for yourself.

It's ok to...
Want to spend the day alone.
Or to celebrate the day for your kids.

It's ok to...
Feel sad if you lost your mother, have a dysfunctional mother or have lost children.
Not really enjoy this Hallmark holiday.

And if you have loved ones to shower you in their love, may you be open to receiving all the love and goodness in your life.

No matter your circumstances, we are thankful for you and celebrating you everyday - and especially tomorrow.

Happy Mother's Day, and be good to yourself!

Click here or the image below to check out my Mother's Day Gift Guide for a last minute gift for a special mom in your life or to purchase a gift for yourself. Let's remember to honor moms - and support women-owned businesses - all yearlong.  ​

Did you join us for the Happy Home Week?
If so, thank you for being part of that amazing community!
If not, you can catch all the replays here.
And sign up for the next FREE Happy Home event here.

Enjoy some of the Happy Home Highlights below!

Small Shifts = Big Change 
The idea that "a small mental shift can make the biggest difference for the whole family, and how much our mindset contributes to our experiences," was echoed by many.

It doesn't have to be huge - sometimes the biggest change comes from the smallest shifts.

Quality Time & Connection 
One mom shared, "Appreciation for just loving, enjoying and appreciating our kids with quality time, and letting go of the pressure to always be teaching our kids something." Wow, that is huge.
In fact, there were many reflections on "how much of a difference quality time and connection makes to result in a better, more cooperative day that goes smoother."

Get in your quality time!

Even in small increments to grow your child's brain and to get more cooperation at home,  like how "even 30 minutes of playing and following your child's lead and just showing them love" can result in easier  transitions the rest of your day.
Yes, do focus on connection at transitions. "Taking that extra moment to explain what’s happening next and spending real face to face time with kids to make challenging moments much more fun and cooperative!" 

And also simply hugging our kids more and thinking “hug” when we go to yell! Then, problem solving later when everyone is calm.

Stress is the problem.
Honor that stress, and the work from home balance is the biggest “flipping our lid” trigger for most of us. Stress is the problem: there is no character flaw on your part as a parent. How our parenting can be day and night without say, work stress.
Compassion for yourself as a parent during the pandemic is key.

Play it out.
When stress levels are high or doing tough moments of the day, "doing things more playfully helps everyone to have more fun and eventually be more positive."
"Being more playful and kind with reminders, especially in transitions was really helpful!" 

Kind and Firm Parenting
During the Happy Home Week, most everyone worked to find more balance with being Kind and Firm as a parent.

Some people found Using Curiosity Questions with our kids, and with our mates was helpful!
Other parents “Invited Cooperation” for kids who naturally love to help or are more strong-willed. “I have a special job for you” or “could you help me ___” is a way to invite cooperation.
Other moms found that success in working with the bedtime schedule, and one mom even took the Kind and Firm lead to start bedtime just 30 minute earlier transformed what was once a difficult bedtime.  

Unconditional Support
In closing, one mom said it best about the power of our community, “I love this support group. No one is judgmental of others and we are all sharing good ideas on how to raise healthy relationships with our children.”
We truly are raising healthy relationships with our children, and that starts with the relationships we have with ourselves.

Join us for the next FREE Happy Home event dedicated to 2020 wrap up here.

If you're not on some level feeling at least slightly - depressed for humanity, down, anxious, overwhelmed, confused and uninspired - well, that's great news.

And yet, for the rest of us - especially our most sensitive types - it's a hard time.

For us white people, we have to remember: it's a hard time because we care about justice. And that it is a privilege not to care, and a privilege to not act on what is simply right.

There is a lot of collective grief right now.

Grief is a natural response to trauma and loss.

This past week brought more collective grief with the wildfires and the loss of Justice Ginsburg.

But, there's also a lot of noise with the internet and social media.

While the information era connects us all and helps spread positive and social justice content, the internet also spreads questionable news, blatant misinformation elevates white supremacy - and is designed to be sensational.

Please remember: the movement for racial justice and equity is a hundreds year long movement, and this is the civil rights movement of our lifetime.

This is NOT the time to let the noise keep you distracted.

This is the time to continue supporting racial justice and equity.

Support with your voice, action, vote and your money.

Click the links below to support the work of:

* Parenting Decolonized
* NAACP : 111th Annual National Convention continues this week.
* Don't Shoot Portland

This is the collective evolution of the human race RIGHT NOW through the civil rights movement of our lifetimes. Get involved. Support. Stay active. ​

In your family, the evolution comes through Connection.
Connection is the name of the game, and the foundation for your happy home.

Positive Discipline is based on the idea that: Connection = Cooperation. My mentor in Positive Discipline said, "attention is a poor substitute for connection."

Connection and positive relationship with you is a basic need for your children - like food, water and shelter.

Connection with you is how your children grow their brains. There is a reason that babies are born with their brains at 10% capacity: its our children's experiences with us that grow their brains.

Negative, attention-seeking behavior is really just a calling from your children to meet their connection needs.

If like me, you've had times of high stress when you weren't able to offer optimal connection with your child - you can always restore positive connection.

But, maintaining and restoring positive connection with your kids does take access to tools and support, and active practice.

If you want to learn more about the power of Connection, please do join us for the Happy Home Challenge week beginning October 4th.

Because a happy home is your birthright - especially during these stressful times.

As I checked in with parents in our community this week, three things became crystal clear:

#1 You all are AMAZING. You are showing up - and doing your best - to do what is best for your children to keep them educated. I'm celebrating you all 110%.

#2 There is a silent mental health crisis happening for parents that no one is talking about. None of us were born with capes. We're not some super- human-super-parents. No one cloned us - or at least is paying us extra - to suddenly do the job of 3-4 people with just one body, mind and heart.

In talking with parents, I've listened as you all cried, expressed your anxiety and/or depression, and worried that you are damaging your children emotionally in trying to be their teacher, get them to Zoom meetings and/or get their assignments in. (And yes, for some of you this time is actually wonderful - and that's great!)

But, if you're struggling, please know the vast majority of parents today are.

And there is NOTHING wrong with you.

The expectations on parents are not grounded in reality or what is possible and feasible for most us. 

* Please do reach out to me or a another professional, if you need mental health referrals. *

#3 Prioritize Emotional Well Being
So what CAN we do?
We can reinvent this time.
We can reimagine it.
We can access our inner rebels to do what is BEST for ourselves and our kids.
We can focus on emotional well being and mental health, like our lives depend upon it - because they do.

And to do all this: we need access to more tools and support.
We need one another: our positive parenting community, now more than ever.

2020 isn't letting up anytime soon.

This week, the West coast is on fire and in Oregon 40,000 people have been evacuated from their homes and whole towns destroyed.

2020 is marathon training for the human experience.

This past week - and really since March - Mr. Roger's quote keeps passing through my mind:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"

But, even that quote has been questioned and "romanticized."

Because the truth is, it's not just looking for the helpers.
This time is about BECOMING the helpers.

Becoming the helper spans the spectrum of helping yourself, your kids and your community. This week how can you Become the Helper?

* Helping Yourself: Tune into yourself and take one positive action steps to meet your basic needs for: food, water, sleep, quality time with yourself and the other adults in your life, positive outlets to express high emotions in healthy ways and support for the stress you face.

* Helping your Kids: Provide a secure base and a safe haven for your children. Spend time on the floor or next to your kids following their lead in play and life. Enjoy your children. Appreciate their beautiful smiles, all the cool things they are into and where they are developmentally. Laughing and playing with your kids - and simply enjoying them is the best way to help them. 

* Helping with the West coast Fires: Join the People's Disaster Relief here on Facebook. Follow the Emergency Mutual Aid Fire Relief organized by Don't Shoot Portland and Fires Igniting the Spirit. Click here and here on Instagram or Facebook here. 

In these times, open up to what "Becoming the Helper" means for you. 

How can you really take that leadership role in your life, family and community to do  what is right and stand for goodness during these stressful times?
​

Dear Parents,

Life can feel pretty bleak right now.

In Oregon, we're getting ready to begin another 3+ months of virtual school and the state is hotbed for white supremacy.

Our communities continue to face mental health challenges connected to the reality of living today, and there is a pandemic on a pandemic for Black Americans.

Election stress disorder is a now a term.
 
Stress  has become the new normal for parents.

This isn't an easy time to be a parent. ​

Wondering - or getting curious - is one of our top parenting tools, especially during this time of high stress.

Parenting can feel most challenging when life feels rigid and/or chaotic.

And let's face it, daily and societal life is a big combination of rigidity and chaos right now.

It's easy to want to shut down or give up in defense or to get anxious or depressed - and these are all natural human responses to these times.

Yet, sometimes our natural coping mechanisms can lock us into negative patterns in our lives. If you feel like this might be the case for you, try the power of wondering.

Wondering frees up new possibilities and positive change in ways that are both simple and profound for our home life and our world at larger. 

Think about a parenting problem that is causing you stress, and take a wondering journey with it.

Here's some examples of wondering that parents have used and found helpful:

* I wonder what my child is teaching me right now?

* I wonder how we can work together through this challenge?

* I wonder how I can make my life easier in this moment?

* I wonder if a boundary would be helpful here?

* I wonder what is something I can do right now to nourish my soul?

* I wonder what unexpected blessings we can find in this time?

* I wonder what is one anti-racist action step I can take today or how I can practice self care?

* I wonder how I can further my commitment to racial justice and equity?

* I wonder what societal advancements in racial justice and equality this generation will experience from this time?

When we wonder, we open up to new possibilities to create positive change in our homes and our world.

Let's DO THIS  POSITIVE PARENTING for SUMMER 2020!!

As we begin a summer like no other with stress levels higher than ever.... we have to consciously come together to create SUMMER FUN + MAGIC.

Summer Magic is a virtual parenting workshop designed to:

• maximize positive change in your home and community.
• help you STRESS LESS and recover from "homeschooling" the last 3 months.​
• have more simple FUN + MAGIC with your children.​
• GET your kids off their SCREENS and get connected this summer!

In Summer Magic 2020, I share the process I use to kick off every summer season.

Summer Magic provides the structure and framework to have clarity of mind and heart: the key to - have an amazing summer!

What a tragic week in the world.
But, really what a tragic 400 years in human history.

Our country is founded on racism and white supremacy. 

Racism is part of the American fabric like apple pie, and woven into our educational, law enforcement and judicial systems that we as white people benefit from daily. 
So, if we're shocked and saddened stay with that - we should be. 
But please don't stay quiet; let's not pretend to be victims. There's a book called "White Fragility" for a reason.

And all of us who are white are racist until we actively choose and act differently.
Unlearning racism is a lifetime journey.
None of us are born racist, but we are socialized that way from birth.
Every day, we as white people actively benefit from racism.
Now is the time when we get to decide where we put our voice and if we are willing to learn the REAL history and reality of this country.
Awareness is only the first agent of positive change.
Today in this very moment, we get to decide if we are going to see the TRUTH of centuries of racism in this country.
White people who see the TRUTH, we must now commit to 100% more action.
Don't let Black families carry this burden.
We can stand in solidarity on social media. Educate ourselves.
Ask our elected officials what they are doing. Put pressure on them.
Call our police departments to inquire how their department is going to proactively respond and ask/encourage/demand that our tax dollars be spent on trainings in racial profiling and implicit bias.
Until people in public safety are tried to the fullest extent of the law for murdering innocent Black citizens, commit to staying active.
As long as the law protects the murder of Black lives at the hand of "public safety," while white terrorists are peacefully arrested - keep talking, sharing and stay active.
Our civic duty as white people is to stop racism with more education and more action.  Resource list to come. 

It's Day 71 of social distancing.
2 months and one week of this #quarantinelife.
Can you believe it?

We're all stressed as parents today.
It's just a matter of how stressed.

Even if you're enjoying this time,
it's not like it's always easy.

And sadly, for some families it is a full on crisis.

This time hasn't always been fair to our children or to us.

We all can benefit from a little stress check-in,
so we can get the support we need during this time
and prepare for the next leg of the journey.
Mental Health is our health!

So, I invite you to: 1) look over the information below to reflect on your stress levels. 2) Email me your response, so I can help get you the proper support.

And for free crisis support during the corona virus:
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor or click here for the crisistextline website.
For more resources, visit Mental Health America here.

Directions:
STEP #1: Read through the information below and reflect upon which number or combination of numbers best captures your stress levels during this time.

STEP #2: Then please respond to this email, so I can best support you or get you the support you need during this time.
Stress Level #1: 
Parenting is never easy, but our life is actually better during this quarantine.

Stress Level #2: 
My kids are on a screen too much, fighting more, struggling to get school work done from home, and/or resisting more and listening less - yet what family isn't struggling with this right now? 

Stress levels are higher, yet we have the support to manage for the most part.

Stress Level #3:
It's really hard right now to juggle working from home, kids school work, and how to keep them occupied when they're not in school.

We're experiencing a lot of meltdowns, temper tantrums and power struggles.

I'm already stressed, and my kids' behavior is stressing me out even more. It feels like my head is barely above water.

Stress Level #4: 
I dread this time. It's one of the hardest times of my life. It's like a storm most days. There are times when the children's behavior is out of control, and I feel out of control as well. 

I'm at a loss on how to co-exist as a family during this and/or I am dealing with significant financial or relationship stressors.

I feel triggered most of the time, and very anxious and/or depressed.

Stress Level #5:
I am living in crisis mode. This time is triggering other traumatic times in my life, and I'm living in fight, flight or freeze most of the day.

I am experiencing any of the following:
*A struggle to get out of bed 
*Getting so angry at my children, I fear I might mistakenly hurt them.
*Panic attacks 
*Living in fear of the future.
*I'm not coping well, and I'm concerned about my mental health.
*I feel like it's going to take a long time to recover from this time, and that I may have PTSD from this time or this time is triggering my PTSD.

For free crisis support during the corona virus:
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor or click here for the crisistextline website.
For more resources, visit Mental Health America here.