bridge of gold

I was driving down the road.
Listening to a recording of a "law of attraction"  person.
I wanted I could chuck it out the window.

So much for attraction.
My stress levels were through the roof.
I was on my way to
go deal with a really triggering situation.
I was exhausted.

When people are experiencing the most pain, 
this law of attraction stuff
can sometimes make matters worse.

Life is as hard,
as it is beautiful.
The struggle is real.
It's how we grow.

On a good day,
I can align with my positive self
to attract the best in the world.
And yes, I probably could use to do that more often.

But on a hard day,
when I'm stressed,
and dealing with emotions
I felt as a kid,
I want to chuck 
Law of Attraction
out the window.
Why?
Because during those really hard times of life,
I'm not in an optimal state.

The brain is either in:
a thriving state
or
a surviving state.

The optimal state of thriving is when we can learn and love,
often effortlessly.
When we feel good in our skin
and trust in ourselves
and the world around us.

From a brain science perspective,
this is "safety."

It's when we're connected to our highest selves as people,
our place of empathy,
problem-solving,
and sense of humor.

This is an awesome place to live.
We can deal with life.
We see the best in one another.
We feel a sense of being ok from within.

Driving down the road that day,
I was not in that place.

I was in survival mode,
in the lower centers of my brain.
I was in that fight-flight mode,
and I seemed to be going back and forth between the two.
Law of Attraction was making it even worse.
Because my negativity was real in that moment,
and had to be dealt with.
I couldn't just "think happy thoughts."

So, what did I do?
I took some breaths.
Felt the sun shinning in through the window.
Switched to some hip hop.
Shook my head,
and then sent some love
to all those Law of Attraction people.

I honored where I was in this moment.
The harshness.
The horrible feelings.
Rather crazed.
The absolute stress, once again.


​It wasn't all lovey-dovey.
But I honored the choice.
And opened the door to moving forward
through this stressful time.

I saw  what I was dealing with.
Gave it a "let's do this" nod.
Even if I was so.sick.of.being.in.this.situation
and wondering how.did.this.happen.again?

I posed the question,
"what would help me most right now?"

And I saw it.
The hole.
This hole.
That's keeps me bound.
I'm been climbing my way out
for a long time.

But suddenly,
there were gold steps going up the side of the hole.
I saw them in my mind.
Step by step,
I was getting out.

And with the gold,
I could enjoy each step of the way.
Even if it was still crazy stressful.
Knowing one day,
I'd be out.
And until then,
there was gold to enjoy.

That moment in the car,
everything shifted from within.
Even if nothing changed on the outside.
I could deal.
Feel strong.
I was ready.

I'd given my survival mind the help it needed
to get me to my thriving place.
So I could deal with life, 
even if it wasn't perfect.

***

We all struggle.
Especially those of us with a history of child abuse.
You didn't do anything wrong if you're struggling.
It's not your fault--- it's not even about that.

If you are in survival mode,
focusing on being happy may help.
Sometimes.
Or it may make you feel more angry or sad.

Most of us experience our survival mode, 
and our thriving mode,
throughout the course of our lives.

If you feel like your survival mode
is taking over your day,
or your life
--- be gentle with yourself.
You've been through a lot.

Honor your struggle.
It's real.
Give your nod to it,
in your own way.
This next part may take time and practice.
You may need extra help or support.

​Align with that part of you that yearns for more.
The freedom from struggles overcome.
That baby step to move you forward.
To the connection to your highest self.
Thriving mode.
And whatever it may be for you,
look for your step of gold.
Your bridge of gold
to help you get out of the hole,
and move forward into the positive.

You got this,
Megan