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 Erin and her daughter "Taking time (for you) is based in self-love, which only enhances self-worth and self-respect. Being a mother is the most rewarding and demanding aspect of your life. Everyone needs time to fill their own cup. You are worth it!" ~ Erin Berk Erin Berk of Creative Therapy for the Heart has 15 years of experience as an Art Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. She loves working with children, teens and families in Portland. She has a private practice at The Sweet Light Center in Portland. Erin loves cooking, being creative and just" being" with her 11 year old and her family. Erin gets real about the barriers moms may face to self-care and shares "art as therapy" tools to help you let go and turn inward, an amazing way to take time for you. When I think about self worth and taking care of oneself as a mother, I hear all the voices of so many women that I have talked to over the years. I think of how we can lose our center as a mama, so naturally I think of barriers to finding our way back to center. Here are some barriers that many women mention can get in the way : * Time. Often when I speak to moms, they feel as if they can't step away from their household duties. Or maybe they feel guilty from being away at work, and then they need to make dinner, and of course want to spend time with the kids before bedtime. * Asking for help. Often, it comes down to asking for help and "making a date" with yourself once week, whether that is a run, gym time, movie with a friend, or a bike ride. Single mamas may have to ask for help from trusted friends or family. Or if you can hire a babysitter once a week for a couple of hours or so a childcare swap for a couple for a couple of hours with another mom. The NIKE slogan hits the nail on the head - "Just do it!" * Feeling selfish. New moms - and moms in general - can feel so overwhelmed with wanting to be with their children that the idea of time away seems selfish. It is not selfish to care for yourself! Repeat!! * Too tired. Another barrier, is often feeling unmotivated or too tired to care for oneself. Sometimes, in raising our children, we forget to check in with how we are feeling or doing. Until one day, you wake up in the morning and just feel depleted and overwhelmed. Again, think about what replenishes your soul? A hot soak at a local soaking Portland pool or a nice long shower or bath, or maybe a chat with a friend?  Erin's art What replenishes your soul? ~ Erin Berk If you neglect your own care- and forget to nurture your heart and soul- what will you have left to give to your family? If you take time away (when you are ready), you will feel replenished and renewed and better able to cope with the many demands of being a parent. No matter how old your child is, taking a break is the best self-care you can give yourself and your kids. Another wonderful way to take time for you is to do some art as therapy. While art therapy is done with a trained therapist to help make meaning out of the therapeutic process and life, art as therapy is something anyone can do. Here's some art as therapy ideas from Erin:
"Mothering myself to me means...." "My wish...." and then create a journal entry with pictures, words, or both.  Erin's photography Anything creative that allows one to tune inward and lose the sense of time is a great place to begin. ~Erin Berk Please visit Creative Therapy for the Heart on Facebook and at www.creativetherapyfortheheart.com.
The holidays can be a time of recommitting to self-care and also can be stressful. Take good care!
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In our last positive parenting tool, we talked about the crazy phenomenon called our children can't hear us. And how to connect with children to engage their cooperation. This week, we're talking about speaking their language. There's grown-up talk. Then there's kid-talk. Grown-up talk is full of pretty, but often unnecessary words. Kid-talk says it like it is. Efficient. Verbiage, mini-lectures, subtleties, & niceties are a waste of words on children, and can hinder comprehension. Why? Because it't hard for developing minds to track and extrapolate what we want them to do when's it embedded in a ton of words and topics. (And those of us with sarcastic tendencies, let's do our best to leave meanness disguised as humor out of our parenting.) What we take for granted as the way adult brains work and function, is not a given in children. Their brains are different in an amazing state of learning and growth, which means they don't quite have the auditory comprehension skills we do. That doesn't mean our children aren't intelligent. Or that vocabulary development isn't important. In fact, I've known a many a 3 year old who far surpass the adults in the room with their gift, power, or intelligence. Rather, it all goes back to children's developing minds. How do we best support this blossoming of children's communication so they can understand us, and therefore best cooperate with us?  1) Say it clear and simply, with a calm + confident tone of voice. 2) Use as few words as possible to say what you mean + what you want them to do, and stick to one topic. 3) Believe your children will do what you want them to do. Brain science affirms that your children are wired to cooperate with you for their survival. Believe in cooperation, and parenting as the teaching of life skills. 4) Offer help as needed, breaking the task down into smaller steps so your children (and you!) can feel successful. What does this sound like? Let's say it's time to clean up and go to the store. In the past/the old way, we would've said something like this: "Sweetie, Mommy loves you. It's time to go to the store. Are you excited? You love shopping. Ok.... Um, yes...could you please put on your jacket? Let's see I need to get my bag and my list....Put your toys away, come on go get your jacket. Aren't you ready? Let's go..., let's go....Do you hear me?? Time to go!!" I'm exaggerating a bit. But, what exactly is the child supposed to do here? Can you see how hard it would be as a young mind to pull out the action steps and make sense of your request? Even though we started off very nicely, our temperature rises as our children don't listen to us because they can't understand us. We can learn effective kid-talk. Just takes practice. That paragraph above can become... "Let's put the toys away, (getting down on the floor to help) get your jacket on, (walking to the door with your child) and do you want to open the door or do it together?" And presto! 50 to 90% of the time, your children will cooperate. I have a few friends who got this kid-talk down. I listen to them with open ears, remembering how they said what they said so I can say it like that later. We're all here to learn from one another. Also, start listening to the dads in your life. Fathers are know for directness in their communication. This clarity and "saying it like it is" helps kids listen better. Why? Because children's brains are in the very midst of developing linguistically + cognitively. Directness + Clarity = Comprehension = Cooperation. Simple, clear, as few words as possible said calmly and confidently, believing your child is wired to cooperate with you, is your golden ticket to cooperation. Success stories or challenges to share? Head over to my Facebook page so we can learn together. You got this, Megan when i first meet people they sometimes say to me you work with parents parenting must be easy for you i laugh at one time it was when my son was little before all that s-t-r-e-s-s parenting was easy-n-free i only saw the best in my son and we worked through problems +challenges from our place of strength + goodness then life happened and our connection ruptured before my eyes patience out the window no longer did i long to sit on the floor and play my days away i longed for time alone to heal to get to the other side stronger than ever today a different day not like it was when he was a baby nor like it was for that year times have changed better than ever  alisha photo everyday i do my best to remember my baby boy my little bugaboo is still inside of him and that mother who loves unconditionally is still inside of me but now he has homework + chores and i'm called everyday to be strong for him compassionate + assertive to be the mom and the dad at home to do my best to raise a gentleman to hold life in Grace with growth + challenges all existing under our umbrella of goodness my phoenix baby taught me that every year on his birthday i give him my gift more presence + more patience a commitment to the best of me to bring out the best in him in this 7th year of him and beyond the unfolding + the growing the laughs + the learning that awesome place of being his teacher + coach while knowing all along he is my greatest teacher  about 10 years ago i went to a chinese medicine doctor doctor cheung the father of acupuncture in oregon a 70 year old man who'd been practicing acupuncture for 50 years one day i asked him "dr. cheung, do you ever go on vacation?" vacation, this is my vacation. everyday is my vacation. was his reply i nodded deeply longing for that feeling someday  1st photo, Dr. Cheung and his wife. 2nd photo, Dr. Wai Tak Cheung, 1933-2011. Both photos taken from his online obituary. yesterday i sat in emily's make-up chair on the set of jerry bell jr.'s "baby talk" loving it all how jerry down to earth having fun in his success + purpose brings big visions alive his awesome crew getting done up doing what you love everyday  JBJR Production's Filming of "Baby Talk" at Zenana Spa earlier in the week before the bliss of the makeup chair + filming stressed waiting for this weekend of goodness my son's 7th birthday "baby talk" fund-raiser for our new school recording my videos to be over catching myself knowing this is my life my vacation everyday to keep going enjoy it for there's more vacation everyday around the corner I'm noticing this trend and it goes down like this... You're trying to get out the door. Your kids aren't getting ready. You're gonna be late. Then, you lose it. Asking turns to... telling, then barking, and before you know it.... you're screaming at the top of your lungs from across the room. And then your children move. Or maybe not. Can you relate to this? There is an interesting phenomenon going on here called.... Our children can't hear us. Here's some steps to be more efficient & effective in your communication with your children. Ready to have your children jumping out the door in no time? Try this.  1. Take 3 deep breaths. 2. Get down at your child’s level. 3. Make eye contact to ensure you have her/his attention. 4. Put a gentle hand on his/her shoulder. 5. Say clearly, assertively, and calmly (positively!) what it is you are telling/asking. 6. Believe your child will listen to you. I know you're busy, but this is worth your time! Take those extra steps across the room. Get down at your child's level. Calmly and clearly speak to your little one. Believe your child will listen to you. And hopefully they do. Success stories or challenges to share? Head over to our Facebook page and let’s hear about it! You got this, Megan  Do you feel overwhelmed and tired most of the time? Are you running on empty? Like you'll never catch up on life and find you again. There is a crisis of run-down mothers. The best remedy? Taking care of you, from the inside out. You taking care of you, like the precious gem you are. Here's a spa treatment for your mind, heart, body, & soul from.... Shannon Meade of supportingbalance.org & Tweak Your Self-Talk about the art of bringing more love for you into your life with the power of affirmations. Shannon Meade works with busy mommas who are ready to invite more self love into their lives. She shares how she began teaching women the power of affirmations to change their lives. Join Shannon's Tweak Your Self Talk group to join a community of women dedicated over at www.facebook.com/groups/tweakyourselftalk "Self care, as opposed to self improvement, is the #1 means to creating a life you love." ~ Shannon Meade For me, as a new mom, I found it really challenging to continue to take care of myself. I always felt most at peace when everyone in my world was well cared for and happy. When my second son arrived, I really felt like I was drowning. I didn't expect to feel that overwhelmed because I'd managed to cope just fine with one kid, but two was infinitely harder. I couldn't meet everyone's needs, and that's where I was getting my self worth from, since I didn't have any time or energy to meet my own. When I couldn't keep up, that was really threatening for me. I'd completely lost myself in being a mom, and it really felt like there was no way out. Around the time my second baby was a little over a year old, through my work relationships, I was offered a challenge to begin doing a series of affirmations in the mirror as part of my morning routine. I accepted the challenge, and not really being one to give up easily, I persisted. Even though I often felt sort of ridiculous, saying "I love you" to my reflection in the mirror.  Shannon and her family "Creating a life you love is about striking a balance between the love you send out into the world and the love and energy you pour into yourself. When those things are not in balance, we feel overwhelmed." And over the month that I was really diligent about using these mirror affirmations, I started to sense a shift. It was gradual, but enough to decide to keep going, even when that month was over. Over the course of a few months:
The crucial thing I realized is that before I really started taking the time to recognize and appreciate myself, I would try to take better care of myself. But the whole time I was, say at yoga class, or enjoying a massage, or whatever I decided to do when I had the chance to care for me, I felt guilty. So the benefit of the self care was really shadowed by this sense that in taking care of myself, I was not taking care of others. But affirming myself out loud, setting intentions for my days, just learning to get my self worth more from appreciating and accepting myself rather than looking to others for those affirmations, shifted my energy and guilt. And I could see there was actually a positive trend where if I did take time for myself, I actually had much more to give. One of the affirmations that has been really powerful for me and I suggest moms start with is: "I am enough."  "I am advocating self acceptance. So much shifts in our lives when we can accept and love ourselves as we are." If you'd like to take on a few other affirmations and dig into this process, jump into the free Tweak Your Self Talk challenge I'm offering for the month of November. i. before my mom passed away her winter spent on the couch in the time before hospice afternoon she'd lay on the couch i'd get dinner on to pandora listen to her humming along to music from back in her day one afternoon easy like sunday morning her hands dancing always loved my mom's hands she sang along easy like sunday morning i wanted her to feel as she ended her life but that song all about what gets in the way of us feeling easy free why in the world would anybody put chains on me lionel talking break-up but these chains and breaking free part of all relationships especially that relationship with ourselves feeling free easy within hardest thing to do i wanted freedom + easy for my mom before she passed to rest her mind in preparation for the rest from this life awaiting her ii. sundays mornings always special growing up our time to get free head out into the woods up north or the rolling hills in the country to be outside free from chains from our family my mom gave me that taste of freedom so i'd remember it always yearn for it even if life seemed to hold me back exactly from that freedom iii. i heard her say to me about a year after she passed it's dead, all of it drop it let it go all of it my childhood. the way it went down between us before she died. her breathing. the way she looked working hard to transition. numbness of mourning. knowing she's right let it go we even watched frozen that winter yet letting go hard to do from this side of life of course it's dead for you, mom you're dead no chains that bind from that life there me still here in the struggle to be free within while still in my life but i hear you i get it mama don't let it live on in me like that so i change it into something else prettier easier to make the world a better place easy like sunday morning free iv. life everyday maintaining freedom taste memory of freedom sustains us from within like driving through the woods on a sunday morning easy like sunday morning  Rachelle Duren-Bernardi |
Mama Megan
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family! 
Photo by J Jean Portraits
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