If you're not on some level feeling at least slightly - depressed for humanity, down, anxious, overwhelmed, confused and uninspired - well, that's great news.

And yet, for the rest of us - especially our most sensitive types - it's a hard time.

For us white people, we have to remember: it's a hard time because we care about justice. And that it is a privilege not to care, and a privilege to not act on what is simply right.

There is a lot of collective grief right now.

Grief is a natural response to trauma and loss.

This past week brought more collective grief with the wildfires and the loss of Justice Ginsburg.

But, there's also a lot of noise with the internet and social media.

While the information era connects us all and helps spread positive and social justice content, the internet also spreads questionable news, blatant misinformation elevates white supremacy - and is designed to be sensational.

Please remember: the movement for racial justice and equity is a hundreds year long movement, and this is the civil rights movement of our lifetime.

This is NOT the time to let the noise keep you distracted.

This is the time to continue supporting racial justice and equity.

Support with your voice, action, vote and your money.

Click the links below to support the work of:

* Parenting Decolonized
* NAACP : 111th Annual National Convention continues this week.
* Don't Shoot Portland

This is the collective evolution of the human race RIGHT NOW through the civil rights movement of our lifetimes. Get involved. Support. Stay active. ​

In your family, the evolution comes through Connection.
Connection is the name of the game, and the foundation for your happy home.

Positive Discipline is based on the idea that: Connection = Cooperation. My mentor in Positive Discipline said, "attention is a poor substitute for connection."

Connection and positive relationship with you is a basic need for your children - like food, water and shelter.

Connection with you is how your children grow their brains. There is a reason that babies are born with their brains at 10% capacity: its our children's experiences with us that grow their brains.

Negative, attention-seeking behavior is really just a calling from your children to meet their connection needs.

If like me, you've had times of high stress when you weren't able to offer optimal connection with your child - you can always restore positive connection.

But, maintaining and restoring positive connection with your kids does take access to tools and support, and active practice.

If you want to learn more about the power of Connection, please do join us for the Happy Home Challenge week beginning October 4th.

Because a happy home is your birthright - especially during these stressful times.

As I checked in with parents in our community this week, three things became crystal clear:

#1 You all are AMAZING. You are showing up - and doing your best - to do what is best for your children to keep them educated. I'm celebrating you all 110%.

#2 There is a silent mental health crisis happening for parents that no one is talking about. None of us were born with capes. We're not some super- human-super-parents. No one cloned us - or at least is paying us extra - to suddenly do the job of 3-4 people with just one body, mind and heart.

In talking with parents, I've listened as you all cried, expressed your anxiety and/or depression, and worried that you are damaging your children emotionally in trying to be their teacher, get them to Zoom meetings and/or get their assignments in. (And yes, for some of you this time is actually wonderful - and that's great!)

But, if you're struggling, please know the vast majority of parents today are.

And there is NOTHING wrong with you.

The expectations on parents are not grounded in reality or what is possible and feasible for most us. 

* Please do reach out to me or a another professional, if you need mental health referrals. *

#3 Prioritize Emotional Well Being
So what CAN we do?
We can reinvent this time.
We can reimagine it.
We can access our inner rebels to do what is BEST for ourselves and our kids.
We can focus on emotional well being and mental health, like our lives depend upon it - because they do.

And to do all this: we need access to more tools and support.
We need one another: our positive parenting community, now more than ever.

2020 isn't letting up anytime soon.

This week, the West coast is on fire and in Oregon 40,000 people have been evacuated from their homes and whole towns destroyed.

2020 is marathon training for the human experience.

This past week - and really since March - Mr. Roger's quote keeps passing through my mind:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"

But, even that quote has been questioned and "romanticized."

Because the truth is, it's not just looking for the helpers.
This time is about BECOMING the helpers.

Becoming the helper spans the spectrum of helping yourself, your kids and your community. This week how can you Become the Helper?

* Helping Yourself: Tune into yourself and take one positive action steps to meet your basic needs for: food, water, sleep, quality time with yourself and the other adults in your life, positive outlets to express high emotions in healthy ways and support for the stress you face.

* Helping your Kids: Provide a secure base and a safe haven for your children. Spend time on the floor or next to your kids following their lead in play and life. Enjoy your children. Appreciate their beautiful smiles, all the cool things they are into and where they are developmentally. Laughing and playing with your kids - and simply enjoying them is the best way to help them. 

* Helping with the West coast Fires: Join the People's Disaster Relief here on Facebook. Follow the Emergency Mutual Aid Fire Relief organized by Don't Shoot Portland and Fires Igniting the Spirit. Click here and here on Instagram or Facebook here. 

In these times, open up to what "Becoming the Helper" means for you. 

How can you really take that leadership role in your life, family and community to do  what is right and stand for goodness during these stressful times?
​

Dear Parents,

Life can feel pretty bleak right now.

In Oregon, we're getting ready to begin another 3+ months of virtual school and the state is hotbed for white supremacy.

Our communities continue to face mental health challenges connected to the reality of living today, and there is a pandemic on a pandemic for Black Americans.

Election stress disorder is a now a term.
 
Stress  has become the new normal for parents.

This isn't an easy time to be a parent. ​

Wondering - or getting curious - is one of our top parenting tools, especially during this time of high stress.

Parenting can feel most challenging when life feels rigid and/or chaotic.

And let's face it, daily and societal life is a big combination of rigidity and chaos right now.

It's easy to want to shut down or give up in defense or to get anxious or depressed - and these are all natural human responses to these times.

Yet, sometimes our natural coping mechanisms can lock us into negative patterns in our lives. If you feel like this might be the case for you, try the power of wondering.

Wondering frees up new possibilities and positive change in ways that are both simple and profound for our home life and our world at larger. 

Think about a parenting problem that is causing you stress, and take a wondering journey with it.

Here's some examples of wondering that parents have used and found helpful:

* I wonder what my child is teaching me right now?

* I wonder how we can work together through this challenge?

* I wonder how I can make my life easier in this moment?

* I wonder if a boundary would be helpful here?

* I wonder what is something I can do right now to nourish my soul?

* I wonder what unexpected blessings we can find in this time?

* I wonder what is one anti-racist action step I can take today or how I can practice self care?

* I wonder how I can further my commitment to racial justice and equity?

* I wonder what societal advancements in racial justice and equality this generation will experience from this time?

When we wonder, we open up to new possibilities to create positive change in our homes and our world.