Megan Barella
  • Home
    • Creating a Happy Home in the Pandemic
  • Happy Home Challenge
  • Praise
  • Coaching
  • About

decide what you will do

9/26/2016

0 Comments

 
Even more than kids's temper tantrums,
I can't stand when parents get 
all in a tizzy in response to their
kids' meltdowns,
power struggles,
or tantrums.
And I really can't stand
when that parent is me.

We all have moments of
engaging in
a negative cycle or
a power struggle
with our kids,
Or having a parental temper tantrum.
This is a great tool to avoid all that.

We all have moments of
engaging in
a negative cycle or
a power struggle
with our kids,
Or having a parental temper tantrum.
This is a great tool to avoid all that.

Stay in your place of positive power,
and calm + confident leadership
to bypass all the craziness,
model cooperation,
and get things done
in a positive way 
in your home.

​How?​
Picture

This is a huge one, parents.
It's way too easy to get swirled into our children's behavior,
and engage in reactive power struggles
that never, ever have a positive outcome.

Here's what Positive Discipline says you can do instead:
1) Plan what you will do and notify in advance (Kindly without any meanness, but in a way so your children know you're going to stand by what you're saying because it's in the best interest of the family.)
For example:
"I will help with homework right after school or right after dinner, but not at the the last minute."
"When the toys are put away, then we'll leave for the park."
2) Follow through on your plan with kindness and firmness.
​
My 2 cents on using this tool:
* Accept that tears and upset may be part of the process- so schedule when you have the time and energy to be neutral, present, and affirm hard emotions without getting all reactive.

* When (and only when) everyone is calm, you can talk about what everyone could do differently next time. Your child may want to ask for the way they want to be reminded. You may want to set a limit on how many times you'll remind. This is time to talk it in a respectful, kind, "we're all this together" sort of way. Because you are in this together! Think coaching session or inspiring business meeting. Listen, share, and develop a plan that works best for your fam.

​* The point in using this tool is to step proudly into your leadership role, and do what you need to do in the best interest of the family-- without threatening or bribing and without engaging in those nasty power struggles. No mean dictator allowed. We may fall back on that way of parenting, but it doesn't fly for kids today nor for what we now about the human brain. Think Mandela or Gandi, not Hitler--- and I'm serious when I say that.

* Waiting is often the name of the game here. You may need to use this tool a few times to create a new pattern for your children, and testing may be part of the process.  It's like your children are waiting for you to threaten, yell, bribe and then give in. So don't threaten yell, bribe, or give in. Be strong in what you have decided. Wait patiently, as needed. The goal is to have your children join in to your calm + confident lead.

Questions? Ideas to share? Did you try this tool and it went amazingly or failed miserably? 
Head over here and share a-way.

You got this,
Megan

p.s. This is a Positive Discipline tool from their 52 Parenting Tool Cards, with my 2 cents added in at the end. Get your deck here.
​

0 Comments

jump

9/23/2016

0 Comments

 
Lately, I've been taking my inspiration from jumping.
Yes, the art of jumping.

Jumping as stress release.
Jumping as connection with your kids.
Jumping's fun.

I'm always on the lookout for that double bonus
of getting some movement or exercise in 
and 
doing something fun with my son and our circle of kid friends.

The double bonus.
Where multi-tasking becomes magic.
Just being.
Enjoying and loving life.
And the moment.
When we get to laugh and play,
and strengthen my core too.

Jumping has been it lately.
We made a couple visits to friends' houses with trampolines.
And went to a birthday party at one of those jump places.

Jumping til you can't jump no more.
Usually for me because I have to pee.
(Any other vaginally-birthing mamas
with this problem, I highly recommend
you go see Tami Kent.)
Go pee, then jump a little more.

Part of the magic of the jump is...
that moment of exhilaration
of being off the ground
in the air
place of freedom
of defying gravity
somehow beyond the physical plane
but all together in it
at the same time

moments I long for
these days
magical place
between me
and my gold
between
end of summer 
and
beginning of fall
between the sky
and 
the ground
finding common ground
between grown-ups
and 
kids

just jump
go ahead and jump
and this week,
​if it's not jumping for you
find your own place
between the heavens and the earth
that place of connection with you & your children
and go hang out there
even if it's just for a second
because a second of magic
is all you need


With love,
Megan


Picture
0 Comments

parenting by osmosis

9/18/2016

0 Comments

 
Have you ever slept with a text book
under your pillow the night before an exam?
Learning by osmosis.

Let's talk about parenting by osmosis. 
It's kind of the same,
but kind of different
--- and much more effective.
It goes like this.

I have some mama friends
who are so CLEAR + ASSERTIVE
with their children.
They send that message of LOVE 
with JUST DO IT.
And their children,

just do it.
No power struggles.
Minimal whining.

When I'm around them,
I consciously soak up
the way these moms are.
So I can access it 
in my own way,
when I need it.


Their simple power

imprints on my life.
I take their strengths, 
and make them my own.
To change,
and grow for the better.​
Picture
THIS is what parenting,
and life,
are all about.
It's the way we're designed to
grow,
develop,
and heal
as parents and as people
--- from one another.

Individual strengths maximized 
for the collective good of parents,
everywhere.

This week,
in your community
and in your life,
--- Look for the people
you can learn from
by osmosis.

Your friends,
family members,
your children's teachers,
the mama at the grocery store.
Parents who've got it 
going on in simple,
yet profound ways.

Then utilize 
your conscious mind
to soak up
+ positively imprint
their strengths.

So you grow,
learn,
develop,
and heal
from the power of
other parents
around you.


Parenting by Osmosis.

It's what parenting,
and life are all about.
We're designed
to uplift
one another.



You got this.


​All the best,
Megan


​
p.s. Parents in my classes and coaching programs often tell me they hear
my voice in their head when they're speaking to their children (makes me teary every time).
We're in this together. The power of parenting and our community! Want to get my voice in your head this Fall? :) 
Click here to get in on a Fall coaching session. And regular registration will open up soon to join my online program beginning in October.




0 Comments

depths of fall 

9/16/2016

0 Comments

 
don't get me wrong
i love pumpkins
crisp air
red leaves
the smell of applesauce & cinnamon
cooking on the stove

my mom loved fall
was her favorite time of year
the season has its beauty
a regalness
an elegance
that builds on summer
​in fall
i celebrate her

a sunny fall day
has the best light for pictures
trips to the pumpkin patch
i love the earlier nights
so my son gets a full
11 hours of sleep
boots
cozy sweaters
yeah, 
fall is cool

but i'm not gonna lie
summer is my fav
i cry a little inside
when we're back to school
heat waves are over
my glow from within
doesn't shine as bright
i used the dryer today
for the first time today in months
first day i wore boots since last spring

you can tell who the real oregonians are
by birth or by heart
those people relieved for rain and gloom
not me
but i'm happy the plants are happy
for rain

my love of the sun
long days of light
heat
some of it is my mediterranean constitution
some of it is that i've had enough gloom
in my life

i know what it's like
gloom
same reason i don't like horror movies
i know scary
i know evil
i don't like to hang out there
i don't play around with
the depths of humanity
fall reminds me of that
​
a mourning of sorts
reality check
that we can't shine all the time
a reminder to go inward
to make hearth and home
​find peace within

i imagine
i'm not the only person
growing up in an abusive home
who's still a little scared of the dark
who prefers longs days of sunlight
being out of the house
outdoors
in nature
free from oppression
shining bright in the summer sun

fall reminds
there is always more peace to be found
to make my life
my home
a cozy place
for myself
that my sun shines within
more like a fireplace now

this fall
in particular
a poignant one
racial injustice
global oppression
breaking free
from oppression
withing
as i push to birth
my gold
fall
like my life
the sweetness
the depth
the integration
of the whole

the picture of the whole
of the seasons
of my childhood
of racial oppression
injustices
everywhere
​all real 
some too real

fall reminds me
to honor the depth
the sad wisdom from oppression
the eternal longing to be free
triumph of the human spirit
to find peace in the injustice
of some children's homes
and systemic racism

but maybe i got that all wrong
there's no peace in injustice
only peace in justice
the work towards justice
freedom for all

fall reminds me of my deepest longings
freedom for all
​pumpkin spice too
my mom's birthday
and that summer will return
the next roll of the year
justice too 
for all the world's children
​i hope

Picture
0 Comments

are you a conscious parent who yells or worries?

9/15/2016

0 Comments

 
Then you're in the right place!

This positive parenting community
is the most conscious, supportive
parenting community in the world.

We want the best for ourselves,
and our children.
We bring out the best in one another.
We believe in the power of parenting.
We want to change the way
we were raised.

and...

We yell,
lose it,
freak out,
worry,
feel hopeless...


But keep going.

For as much as you struggle,
you are that strong.
And stronger.

What's missing in the world today
is proper support for parents.
To accentuate all your strengths
and your inner wisdom.

So your challenges
help you grow,
not take you down.
And you have the skills
to transform your
real-life parenting challenges
into

Connection
+
Cooperation

(which makes life as 
a parent
so much easier.)

Parenting for the Next 
Generation Online

begins October 17th!
Get on the wait list
to hear when registration open
and any early bird specials begin.

These are positive parenting tools
you will use
every.single.day.of.your.life
for the next 18 + years.

And community support
to help you thrive in parenting,
and in life.


Unlock your parenting POWER
and Create a foundation for your family
you LOVE.

Click here for more info.


Here's to Stellar You
this Fall- and beyond!
Picture
0 Comments

back to school foundations

9/10/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
By now we're all Back to School.
I've started to get a few emails from parents
asking for support about school transitions.

Here's some Back to School Foundation ideas
for smooth sailing all year long.
(If you homeschool, 
or have little ones still at home,
these foundations are for you too.)

Let's start with a little quiz!
(Hey, if the kids have to do it...)

What is the #1 most important requirement
for your child 
to be able to excel
academically and socially at school this year?

Guesses?

Children need to feel good about themselves at school.

(Or at home, if you homeschool).

Children should, for the most part,
be relaxed at school.
They should feel like they can be themselves,
and that their teachers likes them.

Now let's be honest.
Life is stressful,
and school can be too at times.

But if your child truly protests about going to school,
seems upset or nervous when they're there,
is being bullied,
or if you observe that the teacher is not emotionally-attuned to them
--- your child will have a hard time learning.

And any academic learning that does happen may be at a cost 
to their emotionally well-being and learning.

Children deserve to feel good at school.

What to do if your child is stressed about school?

* Talk to the teacher, right away.
* Seek out the guidance counselor.
* If neither of these people are helpful,
look for the person at school who your child feels 
most connected to--- and talk to them.
* Seeking out a counselor,
who is up-to-date on the latest brain science.
* Contact me to learn more about my Back to School Support Packages.

Let's eat!
Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food.

This is another non-negotiable.
I worry when children eat boxed cereal for breakfast,
eat all their snack food at school,
and only take two bites out of their sandwich 
or other main entree for lunch.


Then they come from school,
or are in aftercare,
and have goldfish and those fruit juicy snacks
for an after school snack.

Now it's 5 or 6 pm,
and these kids haven't had a real meal all day.

Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food.

What can you do?
* Serve breakfast for dinner.
Left-over dinner from the night before is easiest.
Chicken, fish, hot dogs with broccoli and rice or quiona
are common breakfasts in our house.
Other families serve breakfast burritos.

I know it can be busy in the morning,
and your child may not have the palate 
for left-over dinner first thing in the am.

* If that is the case, think high protein
however you can get it.
Growing brains need protein.

Other ideas?
* Ask the teacher or lunchroom person
to do a check-in with your child
about their lunch.
These adults can offer Encouragement
(no forcing!)
to try, eat, or finish their main lunch entree.
* Saving snack food for after your child
eats the the main entree 
is another idea.
* Serve a high-protein, meal-like after school snack.
Do what works best for your family.
If the family sit down dinner
when everyone gets home
from school/work
​is important in your family,
wonderful.
But do feed your child substantial nourishment
right after school, if you know
they're not eating much of their lunch at school.


Quality Time with you
I know life can get crazy hectic. 
But quality time with you is 
sssssooo important.

Families are way over-scheduled these days.
But quality time with you is even more important
than extra-curricular activities.

Quality Time with you is essential 
to your child's academic and social success,
as well as their emotional health.


So schedule in 10 minutes of child-led
quality time activities everyday
(or 30 minutes weekly for older children)
to fill up your children's emotional cups.
This is a top priority,
and can be hard to make happen.
Click here for a Positive Discipline
article about Quality Time with kids,
and this one about Spending Quality Time
with teens.
Picture

There's my Top 3 Back to School Foundations for a happy and healthy school year.
What are your top Back to School Foundations?
Leave a comment below.
0 Comments

bridge of gold

9/9/2016

0 Comments

 
I was driving down the road.
Listening to a recording of a "law of attraction"  person.
I wanted I could chuck it out the window.

So much for attraction.
My stress levels were through the roof.
I was on my way to
go deal with a really triggering situation.
I was exhausted.

When people are experiencing the most pain, 
this law of attraction stuff
can sometimes make matters worse.

Life is as hard,
as it is beautiful.
The struggle is real.
It's how we grow.

On a good day,
I can align with my positive self
to attract the best in the world.
And yes, I probably could use to do that more often.

But on a hard day,
when I'm stressed,
and dealing with emotions
I felt as a kid,
I want to chuck 
Law of Attraction
out the window.
Why?
Because during those really hard times of life,
I'm not in an optimal state.

The brain is either in:
a thriving state
or
a surviving state.

The optimal state of thriving is when we can learn and love,
often effortlessly.
When we feel good in our skin
and trust in ourselves
and the world around us.

From a brain science perspective,
this is "safety."

It's when we're connected to our highest selves as people,
our place of empathy,
problem-solving,
and sense of humor.

This is an awesome place to live.
We can deal with life.
We see the best in one another.
We feel a sense of being ok from within.

Driving down the road that day,
I was not in that place.

I was in survival mode,
in the lower centers of my brain.
I was in that fight-flight mode,
and I seemed to be going back and forth between the two.
Law of Attraction was making it even worse.
Because my negativity was real in that moment,
and had to be dealt with.
I couldn't just "think happy thoughts."

So, what did I do?
I took some breaths.
Felt the sun shinning in through the window.
Switched to some hip hop.
Shook my head,
and then sent some love
to all those Law of Attraction people.

I honored where I was in this moment.
The harshness.
The horrible feelings.
Rather crazed.
The absolute stress, once again.


​It wasn't all lovey-dovey.
But I honored the choice.
And opened the door to moving forward
through this stressful time.

I saw  what I was dealing with.
Gave it a "let's do this" nod.
Even if I was so.sick.of.being.in.this.situation
and wondering how.did.this.happen.again?

I posed the question,
"what would help me most right now?"

And I saw it.
The hole.
This hole.
That's keeps me bound.
I'm been climbing my way out
for a long time.

But suddenly,
there were gold steps going up the side of the hole.
I saw them in my mind.
Step by step,
I was getting out.

And with the gold,
I could enjoy each step of the way.
Even if it was still crazy stressful.
Knowing one day,
I'd be out.
And until then,
there was gold to enjoy.

That moment in the car,
everything shifted from within.
Even if nothing changed on the outside.
I could deal.
Feel strong.
I was ready.

I'd given my survival mind the help it needed
to get me to my thriving place.
So I could deal with life, 
even if it wasn't perfect.

***

We all struggle.
Especially those of us with a history of child abuse.
You didn't do anything wrong if you're struggling.
It's not your fault--- it's not even about that.

If you are in survival mode,
focusing on being happy may help.
Sometimes.
Or it may make you feel more angry or sad.

Most of us experience our survival mode, 
and our thriving mode,
throughout the course of our lives.

If you feel like your survival mode
is taking over your day,
or your life
--- be gentle with yourself.
You've been through a lot.

Honor your struggle.
It's real.
Give your nod to it,
in your own way.
This next part may take time and practice.
You may need extra help or support.

​Align with that part of you that yearns for more.
The freedom from struggles overcome.
That baby step to move you forward.
To the connection to your highest self.
Thriving mode.

And whatever it may be for you,
look for your step of gold.
Your bridge of gold
to help you get out of the hole,
and move forward into the positive.

You got this,
Megan
Picture
0 Comments

slow down

9/2/2016

0 Comments

 

this is it
the end of summer 2016
school starts for us next week

even tho i look forward 
to work days again
where i'm not juggling
7 year old playdates
and sumer fun
with deadlines
i'll miss us both being home

i'm always sad 
to see summer go
summer has been my fav
since i was a kid

so this weekend
i dedicated
to all things
slowing down
the end of
​summer magic 2016
and putting the summer magic
principles
into action

to being in the moment
loving my son's smile
listening with a full heart
to his science stories
being in awe and amazement
of this little guy
i love so much

​to jumping on trampolines
visiting family
and farmer's markets
taking the time to answer
all his questions:
"which animal is cutest in this picture?"
and shopping in the bulk section:
licorice sticks!
little joyful moments of simple beauty
and connection
Picture


Whether you're already
back to school,
you home school,
you've got preschoolers or babies,
or you're back to school this week.....

Consciously take time
to slow down this weekend,
look around,
and simply enjoy
life around you.

Even just a min....
to love your children's smiles,
to really listen 
to what they're saying,
to feel the sun
and the harvest....
To slow it down,
way down
and enjoy.

This weekend,
when you feel life speeding up,
pretend like you have 
a remote control 
to your life
in your pocket.
And press 


Slow down
and enjoy


Until you feel it.

Enjoy your life:
it's your harvest.

And slowing down
to enjoy this weekend
is the best way
to honor your summer
and welcome your fall.


You got this.

All the best,
Megan

​
Picture
0 Comments

    Categories

    All
    Getting To Gold
    Positive Parenting
    Reflections
    Summer Magic

    Mama Megan

    Hi friends,  I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative."  This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!

    Picture
    Photo by J Jean Portraits

    Archives

    October 2020
    September 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
    • Creating a Happy Home in the Pandemic
  • Happy Home Challenge
  • Praise
  • Coaching
  • About