Even more than kids's temper tantrums,
I can't stand when parents get 
all in a tizzy in response to their
kids' meltdowns,
power struggles,
or tantrums.
And I really can't stand
when that parent is me.

We all have moments of
engaging in
a negative cycle or
a power struggle
with our kids,
Or having a parental temper tantrum.
This is a great tool to avoid all that.

We all have moments of
engaging in
a negative cycle or
a power struggle
with our kids,
Or having a parental temper tantrum.
This is a great tool to avoid all that.

Stay in your place of positive power,
and calm + confident leadership
to bypass all the craziness,
model cooperation,
and get things done
in a positive way 
in your home.

​How?​

This is a huge one, parents.
It's way too easy to get swirled into our children's behavior,
and engage in reactive power struggles
that never, ever have a positive outcome.

Here's what Positive Discipline says you can do instead:
1) Plan what you will do and notify in advance (Kindly without any meanness, but in a way so your children know you're going to stand by what you're saying because it's in the best interest of the family.)
For example:
"I will help with homework right after school or right after dinner, but not at the the last minute."
"When the toys are put away, then we'll leave for the park."
2) Follow through on your plan with kindness and firmness.
​
My 2 cents on using this tool:
* Accept that tears and upset may be part of the process- so schedule when you have the time and energy to be neutral, present, and affirm hard emotions without getting all reactive.

* When (and only when) everyone is calm, you can talk about what everyone could do differently next time. Your child may want to ask for the way they want to be reminded. You may want to set a limit on how many times you'll remind. This is time to talk it in a respectful, kind, "we're all this together" sort of way. Because you are in this together! Think coaching session or inspiring business meeting. Listen, share, and develop a plan that works best for your fam.

​* The point in using this tool is to step proudly into your leadership role, and do what you need to do in the best interest of the family-- without threatening or bribing and without engaging in those nasty power struggles. No mean dictator allowed. We may fall back on that way of parenting, but it doesn't fly for kids today nor for what we now about the human brain. Think Mandela or Gandi, not Hitler--- and I'm serious when I say that.

* Waiting is often the name of the game here. You may need to use this tool a few times to create a new pattern for your children, and testing may be part of the process.  It's like your children are waiting for you to threaten, yell, bribe and then give in. So don't threaten yell, bribe, or give in. Be strong in what you have decided. Wait patiently, as needed. The goal is to have your children join in to your calm + confident lead.

Questions? Ideas to share? Did you try this tool and it went amazingly or failed miserably? 
Head over here and share a-way.

You got this,
Megan

p.s. This is a Positive Discipline tool from their 52 Parenting Tool Cards, with my 2 cents added in at the end. Get your deck here.
​

Lately, I've been taking my inspiration from jumping.
Yes, the art of jumping.

Jumping as stress release.
Jumping as connection with your kids.
Jumping's fun.

I'm always on the lookout for that double bonus
of getting some movement or exercise in 
and 
doing something fun with my son and our circle of kid friends.

The double bonus.
Where multi-tasking becomes magic.
Just being.
Enjoying and loving life.
And the moment.
When we get to laugh and play,
and strengthen my core too.

Jumping has been it lately.
We made a couple visits to friends' houses with trampolines.
And went to a birthday party at one of those jump places.

Jumping til you can't jump no more.
Usually for me because I have to pee.
(Any other vaginally-birthing mamas
with this problem, I highly recommend
you go see Tami Kent.)
Go pee, then jump a little more.

Part of the magic of the jump is...
that moment of exhilaration
of being off the ground
in the air
place of freedom
of defying gravity
somehow beyond the physical plane
but all together in it
at the same time

moments I long for
these days
magical place
between me
and my gold
between
end of summer 
and
beginning of fall
between the sky
and 
the ground
finding common ground
between grown-ups
and 
kids

just jump
go ahead and jump
and this week,
​if it's not jumping for you
find your own place
between the heavens and the earth
that place of connection with you & your children
and go hang out there
even if it's just for a second
because a second of magic
is all you need


With love,
Megan

don't get me wrong
i love pumpkins
crisp air
red leaves
the smell of applesauce & cinnamon
cooking on the stove

my mom loved fall
was her favorite time of year
the season has its beauty
a regalness
an elegance
that builds on summer
​in fall
i celebrate her

a sunny fall day
has the best light for pictures
trips to the pumpkin patch
i love the earlier nights
so my son gets a full
11 hours of sleep
boots
cozy sweaters
yeah, 
fall is cool

but i'm not gonna lie
summer is my fav
i cry a little inside
when we're back to school
heat waves are over
my glow from within
doesn't shine as bright
i used the dryer today
for the first time today in months
first day i wore boots since last spring

you can tell who the real oregonians are
by birth or by heart
those people relieved for rain and gloom
not me
but i'm happy the plants are happy
for rain

my love of the sun
long days of light
heat
some of it is my mediterranean constitution
some of it is that i've had enough gloom
in my life

i know what it's like
gloom
same reason i don't like horror movies
i know scary
i know evil
i don't like to hang out there
i don't play around with
the depths of humanity
fall reminds me of that
​
a mourning of sorts
reality check
that we can't shine all the time
a reminder to go inward
to make hearth and home
​find peace within

i imagine
i'm not the only person
growing up in an abusive home
who's still a little scared of the dark
who prefers longs days of sunlight
being out of the house
outdoors
in nature
free from oppression
shining bright in the summer sun

fall reminds
there is always more peace to be found
to make my life
my home
a cozy place
for myself
that my sun shines within
more like a fireplace now

this fall
in particular
a poignant one
racial injustice
global oppression
breaking free
from oppression
withing
as i push to birth
my gold
fall
like my life
the sweetness
the depth
the integration
of the whole

the picture of the whole
of the seasons
of my childhood
of racial oppression
injustices
everywhere
​all real 
some too real

fall reminds me
to honor the depth
the sad wisdom from oppression
the eternal longing to be free
triumph of the human spirit
to find peace in the injustice
of some children's homes
and systemic racism

but maybe i got that all wrong
there's no peace in injustice
only peace in justice
the work towards justice
freedom for all

fall reminds me of my deepest longings
freedom for all
​pumpkin spice too
my mom's birthday
and that summer will return
the next roll of the year
justice too 
for all the world's children
​i hope

By now we're all Back to School.
I've started to get a few emails from parents
asking for support about school transitions.

Here's some Back to School Foundation ideas
for smooth sailing all year long.
(If you homeschool, 
or have little ones still at home,
these foundations are for you too.)

Let's start with a little quiz!
(Hey, if the kids have to do it...)

What is the #1 most important requirement
for your child to be able to excel
academically and socially at school this year?
Guesses?

Children need to feel good about themselves at school.
(Or at home, if you homeschool).

Children should, for the most part,
be relaxed at school.
They should feel like they can be themselves,
and that their teachers likes them.

Now let's be honest.
Life is stressful,
and school can be too at times.

But if your child truly protests about going to school,
seems upset or nervous when they're there,
is being bullied,
or if you observe that the teacher is not emotionally-attuned to them
--- your child will have a hard time learning.

And any academic learning that does happen may be at a cost 
to their emotionally well-being and learning.

Children deserve to feel good at school.

What to do if your child is stressed about school?
* Talk to the teacher, right away.
* Seek out the guidance counselor.
* If neither of these people are helpful,
look for the person at school who your child feels 
most connected to--- and talk to them.
* Seeking out a counselor,
who is up-to-date on the latest brain science.
* Contact me to learn more about my Back to School Support Packages.

Let's eat!
Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food.
This is another non-negotiable.
I worry when children eat boxed cereal for breakfast,
eat all their snack food at school,
and only take two bites out of their sandwich 
or other main entree for lunch.

Then they come from school,
or are in aftercare,
and have goldfish and those fruit juicy snacks
for an after school snack.

Now it's 5 or 6 pm,
and these kids haven't had a real meal all day.

Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food.

What can you do?
* Serve breakfast for dinner.
Left-over dinner from the night before is easiest.
Chicken, fish, hot dogs with broccoli and rice or quiona
are common breakfasts in our house.
Other families serve breakfast burritos.

I know it can be busy in the morning,
and your child may not have the palate 
for left-over dinner first thing in the am.

* If that is the case, think high protein
however you can get it.
Growing brains need protein.

Other ideas?
* Ask the teacher or lunchroom person
to do a check-in with your child
about their lunch.
These adults can offer Encouragement
(no forcing!)
to try, eat, or finish their main lunch entree.
* Saving snack food for after your child
eats the the main entree 
is another idea.
* Serve a high-protein, meal-like after school snack.
Do what works best for your family.
If the family sit down dinner
when everyone gets home
from school/work
​is important in your family,
wonderful.
But do feed your child substantial nourishment
right after school, if you know
they're not eating much of their lunch at school.

Quality Time with you
I know life can get crazy hectic. 
But quality time with you is 
sssssooo important.
Families are way over-scheduled these days.
But quality time with you is even more important
than extra-curricular activities.

Quality Time with you is essential 
to your child's academic and social success,
as well as their emotional health.

So schedule in 10 minutes of child-led
quality time activities everyday
(or 30 minutes weekly for older children)
to fill up your children's emotional cups.
This is a top priority,
and can be hard to make happen.
Click here for a Positive Discipline
article about Quality Time with kids,
and this one about Spending Quality Time
with teens.

There's my Top 3 Back to School Foundations for a happy and healthy school year.
What are your top Back to School Foundations?
Leave a comment below.

I was driving down the road.
Listening to a recording of a "law of attraction"  person.
I wanted I could chuck it out the window.

So much for attraction.
My stress levels were through the roof.
I was on my way to
go deal with a really triggering situation.
I was exhausted.

When people are experiencing the most pain, 
this law of attraction stuff
can sometimes make matters worse.

Life is as hard,
as it is beautiful.
The struggle is real.
It's how we grow.

On a good day,
I can align with my positive self
to attract the best in the world.
And yes, I probably could use to do that more often.

But on a hard day,
when I'm stressed,
and dealing with emotions
I felt as a kid,
I want to chuck 
Law of Attraction
out the window.
Why?
Because during those really hard times of life,
I'm not in an optimal state.

The brain is either in:
a thriving state
or
a surviving state.

The optimal state of thriving is when we can learn and love,
often effortlessly.
When we feel good in our skin
and trust in ourselves
and the world around us.

From a brain science perspective,
this is "safety."

It's when we're connected to our highest selves as people,
our place of empathy,
problem-solving,
and sense of humor.

This is an awesome place to live.
We can deal with life.
We see the best in one another.
We feel a sense of being ok from within.

Driving down the road that day,
I was not in that place.

I was in survival mode,
in the lower centers of my brain.
I was in that fight-flight mode,
and I seemed to be going back and forth between the two.
Law of Attraction was making it even worse.
Because my negativity was real in that moment,
and had to be dealt with.
I couldn't just "think happy thoughts."

So, what did I do?
I took some breaths.
Felt the sun shinning in through the window.
Switched to some hip hop.
Shook my head,
and then sent some love
to all those Law of Attraction people.

I honored where I was in this moment.
The harshness.
The horrible feelings.
Rather crazed.
The absolute stress, once again.


​It wasn't all lovey-dovey.
But I honored the choice.
And opened the door to moving forward
through this stressful time.

I saw  what I was dealing with.
Gave it a "let's do this" nod.
Even if I was so.sick.of.being.in.this.situation
and wondering how.did.this.happen.again?

I posed the question,
"what would help me most right now?"

And I saw it.
The hole.
This hole.
That's keeps me bound.
I'm been climbing my way out
for a long time.

But suddenly,
there were gold steps going up the side of the hole.
I saw them in my mind.
Step by step,
I was getting out.

And with the gold,
I could enjoy each step of the way.
Even if it was still crazy stressful.
Knowing one day,
I'd be out.
And until then,
there was gold to enjoy.

That moment in the car,
everything shifted from within.
Even if nothing changed on the outside.
I could deal.
Feel strong.
I was ready.

I'd given my survival mind the help it needed
to get me to my thriving place.
So I could deal with life, 
even if it wasn't perfect.

***

We all struggle.
Especially those of us with a history of child abuse.
You didn't do anything wrong if you're struggling.
It's not your fault--- it's not even about that.

If you are in survival mode,
focusing on being happy may help.
Sometimes.
Or it may make you feel more angry or sad.

Most of us experience our survival mode, 
and our thriving mode,
throughout the course of our lives.

If you feel like your survival mode
is taking over your day,
or your life
--- be gentle with yourself.
You've been through a lot.

Honor your struggle.
It's real.
Give your nod to it,
in your own way.
This next part may take time and practice.
You may need extra help or support.

​Align with that part of you that yearns for more.
The freedom from struggles overcome.
That baby step to move you forward.
To the connection to your highest self.
Thriving mode.
And whatever it may be for you,
look for your step of gold.
Your bridge of gold
to help you get out of the hole,
and move forward into the positive.

You got this,
Megan

this is it
the end of summer 2016
school starts for us next week

even tho i look forward 
to work days again
where i'm not juggling
7 year old playdates
and sumer fun
with deadlines
i'll miss us both being home

i'm always sad 
to see summer go
summer has been my fav
since i was a kid

so this weekend
i dedicated
to all things
slowing down
the end of
​summer magic 2016
and putting the summer magic
principles into action

to being in the moment
loving my son's smile
listening with a full heart
to his science stories
being in awe and amazement
of this little guy
i love so much

​to jumping on trampolines
visiting family
and farmer's markets
taking the time to answer
all his questions:
"which animal is cutest in this picture?"
and shopping in the bulk section:
licorice sticks!
little joyful moments of simple beauty
and connection