2014

Route 12 S, Clinton, NY. Photo & words © Mama Megan 2014

what do you say

life
goes
forward
and round 
and round
like the earth
round the sun
365 days

2014
what to say
remind me
year's end
12 months time
what you taught me
lessons learned
wisdom gained
through the pain
365 days


life goes on until it doesn't
life goes on
and on
until it doesn't
then it's over
done 
for this time around

all the time
people leave
to the other room 
without a moment's notice 
people get sick 
suffer  
terminal illness 
eating them alive
they die 
a slow death  
a shell of their former selves

the saying
life goes on
only half true
life goes on 
until it doesn't
and we don't know 
when that will be
not me
not you

so don't sweat the small stuff
for life goes on
but do remember 
life is a gift 
of uncertain duration


death is only real for the people left behind
one of my mom's very best friends
as close to a modern day saint 
as you can meet
she told me
listen
this is what I used to tell my students
death is only real 
for the people left behind

truth 
i sense my mom 
happy and free  
laughing with us 
laughing at us 
saying how great it is 
where she is  

sadness too 
but  
is that hers
or is it mine
not sure
what i know 
for sure 
more to life 
than day-to-day
soul eternal 

have you lost someone you love? 
cry your tears 
mourn your heart out 
and know 
always
with you
they are
and missing them
always 
you will


keep my coping mechanisms in check
wouldn't it be beautiful
in the last few months
and weeks
and days 
of a loved one's life 
we let the past go
just love each other
and forgive
yes
most beautiful that would be 

but most families 
facing 
the care-giving
suffering 
death 
of a loved one 
are stressed out

too easy 
to lose it
our higher selves
our best selves
before you know it
you're acting 
like an 8 year old 

like me
the big bossy sister
trying to maintain control
my stress levels
in the sky
because none of us
no matter what
could save her
i was losing my mom

so little me
took over
trying to save the day
when really
all i had to do 
sit down
and cry
like a little girl
rather 
than try 
to control pain
uncontrollable


time heals
one day
talking 
on the phone
to a wise woman
from customer service
I told her
what happened  
last year of me
and did she have any advice?
any wisdom to help me get through?

i don't know
she said
just give it time
time takes care

thanks
i said
knowing
she was right
but knowing
time 
wouldn't help me much
that day
or for a long time

now i know
i feel it
time heals our pain
some scars remain
time 
a gift
heals our wounds


life is hard + seize the day
i thought
when my mom
died
i'd wake up
one day
soon after her death
with a gold ticket
in my heart

seize the day
it would say
and i wouldn't waste
a minute
on it
i'd be
living my life
my purpose

instead
i froze
wanted a refund
on this life
of mine
realized 
just how hard
life is
my mom's life
the struggle
the pain

even now
i'm inspired
yes
but
live life to the fullest
not quite 
2015
for sure

2014
here we go
wrapping up the past
moving forward
into the new
with lessons learned 
wisdom gained
through the pain
a stronger
softer
me
2015

Photos by Aubrey Trievel, Utica, NY