Megan Barella
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I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom.

1/31/2014

5 Comments

 

Coming Home.

Last week we found out my mom's cancer has gone to her spine. Reality hitting home. Things aren't getting better. The cancer isn't going away. Living on the opposite coast, it's easy to get distracted. Busy with my own life. A couple days go by and I haven't called my mom. I don't know what her day-to-day is like right now. I'm not cooking for her.  Keeping her company. My son isn't climbing on the couch behind her head. My mom isn't reading him stories. They aren't playing chess together.

I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom.

A few weeks ago this is what I decided to do. Fully. No blocks. Nothing unresolved. Nothing in the way. Forgiveness and Pure Love for my Mama. Because she gave us everything she could. Supported us 100 % always. Because she's an amazing, funny, creative, wise lady. Because she's my mom.

Sometimes the answer comes to us before the problem. I'm thankful when that happens. Makes life a bit easier. Because loving my mom unconditionally is all I can do right now. And it's the greatest gift I can give her. And myself.  This is our healing. Not the shape I would've chosen. Definitely not. But this is our time to shine. I forgive you, Mom. There are no blocks to my love for you.

I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom.

My mom says, don't come for me. I say, I want to be there with you.  It's for me too. I am coming to NY for me as well. Because I want to spend as much with you as I can. Just want to be with you. Because the nurturing is mutual.

I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom.

And I hope and pray for your miracle. I believe that is possible. Miracles can & do happen. That message has been loud & clear this week. But we have to believe it's possible. Believe in ourselves. Believe in God. Mom, your miracle is possible. Please believe you are worthy. Open up that divine love waiting there for you. I believe in you. I love you. I forgive you. I am ready to come home.

I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom. I Love My Mom.

Got it, Mama?
I love you.














5 Comments

Lesson 2013: Intention 2014 ~ #4

1/11/2014

2 Comments

 

Be Thankful for Life.

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston
And then we land
Right where we belong
In ourselves
Where we're meant to be
The Light goes on

Exhale
Relax
Suddenly it all makes sense
The place of our Oneness
We got it back
Our minds
Our bodies
Our spirits rest at ease
In this life of ours
We are fully human
As the teachings say
At least we're on our way

We're thankful for Life
Our own
And the greater whole


Our wells
are deep
Spirits soar
It's not like life is perfect
Might still be hard
But what's greater is clear
Even stronger
We're ready
Step into that Purpose
Time to Fly

Soar above it all
Golden wings
Help from above

Grounded
and
Free

Simple Gifts
Loving Life


© Megan Barella, 2014

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston




~
This Year 2014
I am Thankful
for Life
~

2 Comments

Lesson 2013: Intention 2014 ~ #3

1/9/2014

2 Comments

 

Feel that Pain.
And Let it Go.

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston
Eternal aspects of being human
Love & Pain
Oneness of Our Existence
Love
We get it
We love Love
No questions asked
Just Is

Pain
Four letter word
Hurts so much

Our shadow
Struggles of the People
                                                             
Why is there pain in the world?
Eternal Question
We were all born in the image

but
Every day we falter
Hurt ourselves & one another
We fall down
Unable to carry the pain anymore

We're changed forever
Sometimes for the better
The silver lining

But sometimes
It take a toll
Leaves its mark
We never recover
Lost forever
God bless the sensitive ones
And the strong ones
Strong & sensitive
We need them both

Within each of us

And we need each other
To heal
To let go of the pain
Reach out
Connect
Don't let that pain shame ya
We've all felt it

Feel it
Pray it
Say it
Cry it
Move it
Shake it
Paint it
Write it
Listen to its teachings
And then let it go


Before it finds home in our hearts, our minds, our bodies
Our souls don't know what to do
Crisis~
No need for that
Reach out
For one another
For what's above & beyond
Greater than the pain
Grab onto it
That Love
and the pain will bring us even closer
To  the truth our existence
Our Purpose


But we gotta be willing to let it go
To be opened up
Don't give up
Keep the Faith 
Pain brings us closer to our Source
Pain brings us full circle to Love

Love from the Pain
Strength from our moments of greatest weakness
Believe


© Megan Barella, 2014

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston



~
This Year 2014
I Feel My Pain
and then
Let it Go

~


                             



2 Comments

Lesson 2013: Intention 2014 ~ #2

1/3/2014

4 Comments

 

Accept myself.

PicturePhoto by Amber Bodyston

In 2013
my 10 year relationship with my son’s father ended.
I cried oceans.
Daily.

I prayed for him. 
Realized
I gotta pray for me as well.
I didn't want to
stop loving him.
So hard to let go.

We'd been family.
He was my best friend.
Father of my son.                            

But, it wasn't a perfect relationship that suddenly went wrong.
Are they ever?
Never had been an easy road for us.
Many days we met up in the boxing ring.
Ready to duke it out.
Both of us trying to find the love we were missing.
But we used our weaknesses not our strengths.
And my weaknesses fit together perfectly with his.
Then the bomb of us would go off.

I would forget about it.
Unless I wrote it down.
Or told a friend.
Then I'd have to remember.
Even then, I'd take out my rose colored glasses.
It could be different this time.


Writing about this is like falling into a black hole.
Don't want to lose myself in the chaos.
There was so much I over-looked.
Dysfunction takes 2.
I am not blaming myself.
Nor I am going to disempower myself.
I
had the choice to leave.
I tried many times.
But I'd always go back.


I played my role.
My part of the equation.
Enable. Control. Enable. Control.
It was a coping mechanism I mastered when I was young.
I knew it well.

Childhood trauma is it's own beast.
Helplessness & vulnerability, yes.
Personal responsibility?
Not so much for us survivors.
Children are innocent.

But childhood trauma leaves it's mark.
Takes it's toll on that growing brain of ours.
Early wiring for dysfunction.
Survivors often recreate the emotional realities we know from our early life experiences.
We did that together, me & him.
Intellectually, I know this happened.

But the intellect doesn't help with the healing.

I could've left him a long time ago.
Instead he left me.
In a lot of debt.
With a history of family violence that was crazy-making.
For another woman he married 6 months after I made him leave.
That final betrayal is just a distraction to the root of the problem.
Still hurts though.
Maybe the most.

I feel bad writing this.
Speaking some unspeakable.
It's truth.
My truth.
He has his.
I did the best I could.
So did he.

And all I can do now is accept.
Accept that I swept things under the rug.
Just as I had to do as a child.
Accept that I recreated trauma and dysfunction in my adult life.

Repercussions on the innocent.
I learned better.
The hard way.

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston
 

~
This
Year
2014
  I
Accept
Myself

~

                            Photos by Amber Boydston
4 Comments

Lesson 2013: Intention 2014 ~ #1

1/3/2014

1 Comment

 

Love Myself.

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston
This year humbled me. 
This year rocked my world.
In six months time...
My 10 yr relationship ended hard.
We found out my mom has pretty far along cancer.
And for the grand trine of the year, my father
who was sexually abusive died.
These 3 experiences in 6 months time = earthquake of me.
I cracked and then I cried and prayed for a better life.
    

Poking its way through the rubble was the pure gold of me.     
On top of the gold were thick concrete layers, impressions of me.
And they were crumbling down. The pain was intense.
We would understand trauma more if we could see it.
This year I walked around with
my abdomen wrapped,
my head bandaged,
and my wounded root reaching for new ground.

Through the pain, I found me.
And what did she say?

In order to love anyone else unconditionally,
I must first love myself unconditionally.

Wasn't I supposed to learn this as a kid?
It's the spiritual food that feeds us.
We need it to thrive.

Self-love.
Road to living my purpose is this simple.
May I see my blessings and use them to heal my weaknesses.
It's what being human is all about.
It's time to...

~ Reclaim Me ~                    

PicturePhoto by Amber Boydston





 
     ~ This Year 2014          I Love Myself~

Photos by Amber Boydston
1 Comment

Live Our Purpose 2014

1/1/2014

1 Comment

 



Welcome Friends to...

Picture

I'll be honest.


I have a lot of fear about living my life purpose in 2014.

Ironic, yes.
Unusual, probably not.
I imagine many of us do.
Sadly, we all don't just automatically live to our full potential
and easily find our life purpose.
It's a lot of work.
Plus, no one ever taught us how.


Yet for me there is a deeper layer to my fear.
For in between me -----and------> my life purpose is the child abuse I lived.
It's some heavy stuff.
But it's also an odd gift.
My paradox of existence.
For pain is part of my life purpose.
It goes something like this:


Dive Deep into the Pain of Human Existence 
Find the Love on the Other Side of the Pain
Open up that Love
Bring Home
our Gifts and Life Purpose


Rather poetic, isn't it?
Also kind of high on the difficulty level.
And I don't fully understand it yet.
Learning how we can find our Love and Purpose through the Pain.
But I'm not going to let that stop me.
In 2014,  I live my purpose.
I share my blog and the story of me with poetry & photography.
In the hopes that we can all


Embody our life purpose waiting for us
on the other side of our pain.


I hope I inspire you to share your life story.
And more fully embody your life purpose.
And reclaim that Love from the pain of our existence.


Thank you for joining me. Truly.

This year, I'll also be blogging on other topics I LOVE, including:

* Parenting Inspiration, Empowerment, & Positive Change based on attachment theory (not the same thing as attachment parenting), Positive Discipline, and more!
* Inner and Outer Beauty, Vitality, and Health
* Couples' Conflict Transformation and Communication
* Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention
* Interviews with "Amazing People" who are shaking up the world in their own unique way.
* Opportunities for Social Justice Activism and Spiritual Philanthropy
* Poetry, Photography, and Visual Art~ some of mine, some by friends near & far

* A beautiful community of people, of which you are most welcome to!


      I look forward to sharing laughs and love this year
                      As We Live Our Purpose
2014

Happy New Year!
xoxo

~ Mama Megan


1 Comment

    Categories

    All
    Getting To Gold
    Positive Parenting
    Reflections
    Summer Magic

    Mama Megan

    Hi friends,  I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative."  This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!

    Picture
    Photo by J Jean Portraits

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