by Rachel Hadiashar
You know those moments in parenting.
You're about to scream.
You do scream.
It's time to get going.
And your child is not moving.
Melt down looming on the horizon.
This little person can't make a decision.
You're about to start exerting your force.
Maybe you do.
We all have those moments.
Inevitable part of parenting.
But it doesn't have to end in tears.
Time for a new for a new tool?
Drum roll please....
Two Positive Choices
One of my favorite Positive Discipline tools.
Here's some steps to get you going and out the door, minus the tears and power struggles.
A way to move forward throughout your day, with an empowered and connected child & self.
#1 = Stay calm
Take a deep breath. Jump up and down. Leave the room for a quick moment, if possible.
Do what it is you do to return to a neutral space within.
Your child may be upset, but you are in your center.
You are the calm within the storm.
Now move forward from your center
into this moment of Two Positive Choices.
#2 Offer a little affirmation
As Amanda, one of my beloved Positive PlayTime parents says, "we all like to be seen and heard."
Offering a little affirmation to what your child is experiencing goes a long, long way.
"It's hard to make a decision."
"We all feel upset sometimes."
"You really want to stay at the park."
"I hear you."
"You'd rather play than clean up."
Think how much better you feel when someone is truly listening to you,
without judgment or telling you that your experience is wrong. Our children are the same.
When children feel heard, they are more likely to cooperation.
Check out this book, for more helpful communication tools.
#3 Two Positive Choices
From that place of calm neutrality, and of respecting the experiences of your children
(even if deep down it drives you crazy that your little one won't just get their @#$! shoes on!),
offer Two Positive Choices.
Do you want to do that by yourself or with my help?
Would you like to put the puzzle or the game away first?
Do you want to wear your red shirt or blue shirt?
Jacket or sweat shirt?
Set the table or put the spoons away?
Fly like a bird to the car or moo like a cow?
It really can be that simple.
Two positive choices can be that easy.
A way to move through your day without the struggle or the tears.
Here's a couple other things to keep in mind...
Offer Two Positive Choices that are ok with you.
Sometimes we offer a choice as a parent, and as soon as it comes out of our mouths, we're like why did I offer that as a choice?
Then you have to quickly take it back (usually not an easy thing to do)
Or over-ride your needs for the sake of standing behind your word.
Neither are great options.
If you can move from your calm center, your highest place as a parent,
offering choices that you can stand behind is more likely to happen.
But it still might happen.
It's all part of the process.
Be patient with you.
Is Two Positive Choices not working? At all.
Is your child hungry, tired, or has had a really hard day? Are you majorly stressed out?
When our basic needs aren't met, we are uncooperative beings. Both children and parents.
If your child isn't responding to Two Positive Choices, do a little inventory.
Is either one of us tired?
Am I stressed out as a parent?
If you answered yes, to anyone of these questions, meet the basic need asap.
And if you are majorly stressed out, please be patient with you.
And recognize your child may be mirroring your feelings.
How about a hug?
In your mind, picture your child doing one of those choices.
The more we learn about neuroscience and child development,
the more we realize children are like little mind-readers.
Simply put, children behave the way we think they will.
Picture your child in a good place, empowered and doing what needs to happen next.
This will help your child feel empowered and do what needs to happen next.
Have fun with Two Positive Choices!
While there is no one tool to transform all your parenting challenges,
Two Positive Choices is one of the many positive parenting tools that will bring more ease and cooperation to your home. So you can get out the door with a smile on everyone's face, and say goodbye to tears and power struggles.
Interested in learning more about how positive parenting tools + support from Megan can transform the daily challenges you face? Schedule a complementary 30 minute session with Megan. Learn more about how the Calm + Confident Parent Program can help you become your highest self in parenting, and in life.
Two Positive Choices
Practice in action
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!