by Rachel Hadiashar
A shift happens when someone stops chemo and begins Hospice. Another surrender. To cancer. To life. Acceptance at its strongest. For all of us.
I spoke with a nurse from the Cancer Center on the phone this week. She was kind & wise, caring & sincere. Called me "honey." She thinks my mom taught her grandson. The hospital social worker was my sister's elementary school friend, and my mom's 3rd grade student. Sacred Heart family. Comforting to my mom and a humble honoring to her 25 years of service to Catholic education.
My mom was considering palliative radiation for her pain. She thought the doctor said 3 to 5 treatments. He actually meant 3 to 5 weeks of 15 treatments. This was a big disappointment to my mom. In the back of her mind she thought the radiation would help with her cancer. The kind & wise nurse said to me:
“The radiation will not help your mom’s prognosis. It will not change the big picture. It may or may not help with the pain. And there will be a lot of side effects.” Period. Finally, someone speaking the truth so my mom can make this next decision. The nurse put me on hold to go talk to the doctor. He said Hospice was an “appropriate” decision. Her cancer is advanced in the bones & body.
My mom has been at peace and accepting since the beginning. Even now.
Peace & love sprinkled amidst the pain & suffering. Pain & suffering amidst the peace & love. Depends on the day. Her life hasn’t ever been easy. Sometimes I want more from her. Ultimately, I am proud of her. Her spirit is strong. She will be fine. She’s going home. Sooner rather than later. She’ll have peace. And until then, we all do our best. I hope & pray Hospice can do what they do: keep her comfortable and out of pain. That we can enjoy the time we have with her. The time together as a family.
Acceptance. Of it all. No one said it was easy. None of it. All I can do is pray I am strong for her. And for me. Because I can’t change any of it. Just do what is best. A surrender for me as well. Her spirit is strong. We find the peace where we can. Moment to moment.
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!