by Rachel Hadiashar
Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 64. It's her first birthday not being here. I've felt a little bit of everything today. Sad of course. Inspired I am here alive. Thankful for all the gifts she gave me: love of friends & family, the Earth, art, and laughter. I cried a lot looking through photos of her on my computer today. Searching for that perfect picture to post. Realizing I don't have one on my computer, for which I cried a different type of tears.
As one friend said, "losing your mom is like losing your way, no matter how old you are." True that. Since I lived far away from my mom the last 15 years, our relationship was mostly over the phone. I miss those lifeline phone calls. She was the only person I could call to chat before 7 am. She was always supportive of me. She worried, but what mom doesn't? I'm learning the art of practicing trust & empowerment with my own child.
A few weeks ago, I really wanted to talk to her. Hear her voice. My mom was a great listener. I called her cell. Just to see. You never know; maybe she'd answer. Or I'd have some great conversation with a stranger. "This person is currently unavailable," was what I got. Not even temporarily unavailable. I tried. But it's a different kind of communication to connect with her now.
This week she has been with me, more than ever since she passed away. I know in my heart that she is 100 % there for me. It's a matter of me unlocking my fears & pain to be able to connect with her. Of me forgiving her. Forgiveness is one of the many life themes I am working on. Still. It gets tiring. This work of forgiveness. Haven't I done enough forgiveness in my life? When can I be done? Like we are ever done with forgiveness. And I know as forgive her, I'm able to listen to all she has to teach me and receive her gifts.
My mom shared many gifts with me today.
My sister and I sent this to our mom for her birthday right before my son was born six years ago. It is such a powerful statement of how I feel about my life, your life, and every person's life. If I can do my small part to support people in following their hearts, I will have done something for the world. And the biggest piece of that is living my own life purpose, doing in my heart what I know I am meant to do.
When she had so much life in her. Beautiful lady. Inside and out. Miss her so. Happy Birthday, Mom. Thanks for all the gifts.
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!