by Rachel Hadiashar
Parents often ask me about....
bribing their children.
What do I think about using bribery?
Well, how do you feel when you use bribery?
--is usually my reply.
Bribery is a slippery slope.
It make "work" in the short term,
but what is the long-term impact?
And what if bribery doesn't "work" in the moment?
What do you do next as a parent?
Many parents get in the habit of saying "If..."
"If you pick up, you can watch a show."
"If you eat your dinner, you can have a cookie."
Even "if" can be problematic.
To begin with, "if" implies there's a choice
rather than clearly and respectively
sending the message,
"This is what's happening now.
Let's do it!"
I am a fan of setting up one's schedule
in a why that is logical,
helpful to parents,
and motivating to children.
In Positive Discipline,
we use this tool:
"As soon as you _____,
you may _____."
You can use it like this...
"As soon as you put the puzzle away,
you can get out another toy."
"As soon as you put your jacket on,
you can go outside."
"As you soon as you finish your homework,
we can talk about what's next."
"As soon as you brush your teeth,
we can read our bedtime story."
This tool sets up your daily schedule
in a way to get things done,
and to move through your day
with more cooperation + ease.
Here's some pointers with
"As soon as you ___,
you may ____."
* Remember the importance of
tone of voice + body language,
and to be clear and feel confident.
* Be willing to model the behavior yourself
or offer a helping hand.
While there's no one magic positive parenting tool
to address every situation,
parents have had great success using:
"As soon as you _____,
you may ______"
instead of "If you do this...."
or bribing their children.
Give it a try and let us know how it goes!
All the best,
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!