by Rachel Hadiashar
Assertiveness is the power of you.
The love of you and the strength of you.
In as many moments of life as possible.
But what does that sound like,
in real life?
Here's some Assertive communication tools
to engage your children's cooperation.
No power struggle required
when you embody
the strength + love
Remember to take 3 deep belly breaths
and get in your place of power
before you speak.
#1 Stop asking your children permission for things
in life that need to happen.
And eliminate, "ok?" from the end of your sentences.
"Uh sweetie, could you hang up your jacket please, ok?"
This can be a tough one to change, but instead try:
"Jacket on the hook please,"
in that strong and loving voice of yours.
1-2 sentences or less.
Eliminate any unnecessary filler words.
#2 Instead of barking orders from across the room,
go over to your children, sit down at the same level,
look them in the eye, and with a hand on their shoulder,
and kindly let 'em know what needs to happen.
Positive physical touch and connection is
one of the most powerful discipline tools around.
I know this step takes extra time-- and your life is already busy.
But the time you spend getting into your calm place
(an essential step!)
while walking across the room,
will save you so much time and sanity
when your child engages with you
and cooperates ssssoooo quickly.
And there are definitely times when cooperation won't happen
-- with a number of reasons to explore why
which is the type of support and transformation
I empower families with in the Calm + Confident Parent program.
To begin with, remember to check those vitals.
#3 "Can I get a yes, mom?"
You've told your children something important
and there is no response.
They are in their own world.
And that's good.
They should be-- they're children.
But we're here to teach them.
So after you simply say
what is is they need to hear,
follow it with:
"Can I get a yes, mom/dad?"
In a slight cheerleader or coach way.
Positive and upbeat.
#4 Curiosity Questions
You're sick of telling your children
what they need to do all the time.
Your children is sick of hearing you tell them
what they need to do all the time.
Trying using "what" or "how" question.
"What's the next step to get ready for bed?"
"How can you two work this out?"
"What's your plan for doing your homework?"
"What other clothes do you need today?"
It's amazing how engaging children's
can equal cooperation.
I wish there was one positive parenting tool
that worked for every situation.
While these assertive communication tools
won't work 100% of the time,
they are all tools that children respond very well to--
to engage their will, problem-solving,
and cooperation skills
So you talk respectfully to your children,
and they listen to you,
So your life is easier,
and you enjoy the wonder of childhood.
i learned about Assertiveness from Becky Bailey--- you can check out her work called Conscious Discipline here.
Have fun connecting with the power of you--and your children--
through these assertive communication tools!
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!