by Rachel Hadiashar
i went to snap a pic on my phone today
3 photos were there
all 1,000 pics
that were there
no copy anywhere
by this afternoon
an old friend from high school
a good friend of my good friends
just like that
hilarious & goofy
known for his bass
back in the day
you heard him
before you saw him
he left behind
two small children
and one on the way
why couldn't time stop for him
or his little ones
so they'd know their daddy
now they'll grow up
i called home
for 5 years
on my way
the time i lived
with my son
spirit of my teachers
thru hard times
from my past
in my life
i'll never get back
a part of me always
but i'm still here
even if i lost my photos
loved ones moved away
my old friend
until it doesn't
the worst thing
is right now
to let time
all that is
while we're living it
for the living
0% of parents
have no struggles.
in some way.
So as you're working with
your parenting challenges,
remember you're not alone.
We're all learning and growing together.
If we know every parent struggles,
and struggling helps us grow,
here's some pointers to maximize
the positive from your struggles.
So your challenges bring you UP,
Step #1: Say, "this is hard or challenging,"
either to yourself or to someone who's supportive to you.
We gotta own it to grow from it.
Getting weighed down by parenting guilt, shame, or denial
might be part of your process, but don't get stuck there.
Admitting and acknowledging
that life is hard right now
gives you the traction to change it.
Step #2: Get feeling specific.
"This is hard/challenging because I feel ______ when
my child does this ______."
For an extensive list of feelings, click here
and scroll down to the second page.
When you identify the feeling word with your lived experience,
you brain releases feel-good hormones.
It's like saying to yourself, "Yeah, I see you"
Honoring what you're feeling,
---It's tres importante,
and your jump start to change.
Step #3: When do you feel like a good parent?
Bring your attention to when you feel like a good parent.
When are the times your child cooperates with you?
Is it in the morning, or on the weekend?
After you've had quality together time?
When your little one has had time outside or
is getting ready to go somewhere she/he wants to go?
And maybe right now,
your child isn't cooperating with you at all.
Now notice what you are saying or doing
when you feel like a good parent?
Are you speaking calmly or assertively?
Have you gotten down on your child's level,
and are making eye contact?
Are you using humor or play?
If you can't think of a time
when you feel like a good parent,
be on the look-out for that good parent feeling,
Notice when it's happening and what you're doing,
even if it's just a few seconds of good parent feelin'.
Or if parenting is just feeling negative these days,
honor that too.
4) Bring the good parent feelings to your current challenge.
When you're stressed as a parent, the stress can take over.
And all your actions and reactions to discipline (teach) your children
came from this place of s-t-r-e-s-s.
One way to interrupt the stress cycle is to consciously work to
bring the tone of voice, body language and posture, things you'd say,
and other communication strategies of your feeling good parenting self
to your current challenge.
This may seem counter-intuitive to the "old way."
If my child is misbehaving, why should I be nice?
Won't I be faking it?
Well, here's the deal:
If you or your children are struggling,
you need even more kindness, understanding, and positivity
to get you through.
This doesn't mean you're a push-over,
or not being true to yourself.
It does mean you're utilizing your most effective
parenting strategies when you or your children
need them most.
The "burn to learn" thinking is from the past
And doesn't that make most sense?
Burn to learn,
and making you or your children feel bad
isn't the way to motivate either of you
to positive behavior.
Say it's hard and truly acknowledge this challenge.
Put a feeling word to your current struggle.
Then notice deeply when you feel like a good parent.
And bring those good parent feelings, actions & thoughts to your current situation.
For every parent struggles.
You're not alone.
We're here to support one another.
To learn and grow together.
You got this.
Time to squeeze out the last bit o' summer.
And then soak it up.
Back to School's just
around the corner.
So forget those dishes
and get out there
in that sunshine!
(Join my FB Group here to access
many of the Summer Magic 2016
to get the most out of your August!)
Hope your summer has been full
of lots of family magic.
Fun in the sun.
Fresh fruits & veggies.
And long days of lovin the light.
Now's a good time
to take inventory.
Good ol' summer inventory.
How many days of summer vacation are left?
What are 1-3 things you still want to do,
or want to do again?
Simple things that are most important to you.
Picnic on the lawn.
Trip to the swimming pool.
Concert in the park.
Make your list.
Then make it happen.
Get it on the calendar.
Invite some friends.
And soak up that Summer Magic 2016
while it's still with us.
Summer is my fav.
Always has been,
every since I was a kid.
It's all about living outdoors,
as much as possible.
Being one with the earth,
and soaking up that sunshine.
I do soak up summer,
like I'm saving it
for a gray January
Summer is medicine
for my soul.
I love spending it with family & friends.
I've had some serious summer magic
With a couple weeks at the OR coast
with family visiting from all.
A dance retreat weekend
at my friend's farm.
So much Portland summer fun with
And this summer has been intense
with two (!) moves,
deadlines for my program
for parents who are child abuse survivors,
and significant stress.
Life is always about ride the waves,
the ups and downs
of our existence.
But this summer I've become
a master surfer.
Surfing through life adventures this summer.
And through it all,
the stress has taught me,
how to find the calm within.
The peace on the wave.
Enjoying the moment.
Getting back up from a big fall,
ready to go at life again.
And the wisdom
to know when to stop,
to let go,
take a break,
and come at life from a different angle.
Eternal summer in my soul.
she told me
she's taking the rest of summer
off from facebook
to enjoy summer with her kids
that got me thinking
not only how much time i'v spent scrolling
but how much i'm not enjoying scrolling
i'm only doing it
when i'm so tired
and have no energy
for anything else
instead of resting
so when she said she got off fb
(and was able to keep messenger)
i got really excited
already feeling liberated
that my friends
was my 1st cue.....
the great thing about social media
is it connects us with humanity
babies growing up
and being born
deaths and sufferings too
we are one people
social media has the power
to connect us all
but we control it
as soon as it feels like
our phones are controlling us
the tables have turned
and i wonder
is it a good thing?
is there balance?
where's the moderation?
and what are we modeling
for our children?
it's a nagging feeling
like my phone
is always calling me
just a minute
just one more post
just just just
one of the moms
in the power to the parents group
i run to kick off the new year
said a child described
his mom on the phone
like she was frozen
frozen on a phone
is that part of parenting today?
my son made me a little note
with me on my phone
and a line through it
with a big NO!
for me facebook
starts off as the parenting work
but it's hard to stop there
whether i'm responding to a parent
or stuck scrolling
"one more minute"
to my son
it gets old
for both of us
in my coaching work
i work most often with moms
and developing a media plan for them
(not their kids)
let's face it
social media is some strong medicine
that can turn addicting quick
especially under the demands + isolation
of modern motherhood
and this august
i have some serious deadlines
to meet as i'm developing
my programming for parents
who are child abuse survivors
some of the most important work
i have to offer the next generation
and work that makes me anxious
and that i often want to avoid
and scrolling is one way i can
guarantee i'll get nothing done
on the getting to gold project
so this month
i've declared media free for me
so i can enjoy the rest of summer with my son
to give him
- not my phone-
to feel free from a little device
for 30 days
and into the present moment
of life around me
and meet some big deadlines
in my work to transform
the intergenerational cycle
of child abuse
would you like to join me?
to enjoy the rest of summer with your fam
to have one month of no "one more minute"
to live in the moment of here and now
and the world around you
-not the world within your phone
to connect with the humanity within you
just for one month
to take a media break
to be media free
it will be fun + liberating
(or modify it for your life
of 1 week
or even 1 hour
of media free)
if you're a part of the parenting for the next generation
i'll be back september 5th
just after labor day
with renewed inspiration + ideas
to support you
in unlocking your inner wisdom + power
as a parent
so you can begin fall 2016
with empowerment + fun
see you then + enjoy the rest of summer!
p.s. i'll be posting weekly blog posts
so please visit me here this month!
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!