by Rachel Hadiashar
You know those moments of parenting brilliance?
When you just...
the right way.
You keep the good energy going in your family.
You transform disaster into everything's alright.
Even if your moment of brilliance fades fast,
you tasted it.
There's no denying it,
you have brilliance within you!!
The key to parenting brilliance is....
Simple, but challenging at the same time.
Because when you fall from grace as a parent
-- when you mess up,
lose your patience
-- when you don't feel brilliant,
it's hard to be brilliant.
And when you don't feel like a good parent,
this can create a negative cycle
-- of misbehavior
What can you do to keep your brilliance alive?
To feel like that good parent,
so you can be that good parent
-- even during challenging times.
1) Turn your brilliance on like a light switch.
When you feel brilliant, soak it up.
Truly notice when you feel like your highest self
as a parent.
Consciously soak it up.
Feel what your brilliance feels like in your body.
Does your face feel calm?
your heart alive?
your shoulders relaxed?
However your body feels,
Then conjure up your body brilliance
when you first notice parenting starts to get hard.
Turn your brilliance on like a light switch.
2) Feel lousy? Lower your expectations.
Nurture + Connect.
Honor that some days your parenting brilliance
light switch just won't turn on.
No matter how hard you try,
you'll still feel..
or just negative.
Try not to worry: negativity is a part of our lives.
What to do?
Lower your expectations for yourself.
Take things off your list.
Lay down on the floor
(or on the couch).
Just chill for a few.
And for your kids?
Focus on connection.
Do activities that nurture both you and your child.
(For me, it's playing with silks, water coloring, reading together.)
What are the kid activities that are most nurturing to you?
Then focus on how sweet your kids are (even if you have to pretend).
Because for the most part,
if you can enjoy your children's
and dog-gone creativity
--- they will be sweet, beautiful and creative.
Let their sweet souls be part of your nurturing.
3) Cultivate you.
Get yourself some kid-free-you time.
Schedule it in.
Make it happen.
You need time for you
- whether it's one hour
or the whole day.
(And the grocery store only goes so far.)
Do something for you that
a walk in the woods?
time with friends?
or date night?
Whatever you enjoy that feeds your soul:
just do it,
or take a step toward doing it.
You have an endless well
of parenting brilliance within you.
When you feel brilliant,
you are brilliant.
So notice what that brilliance
feels like in your body.
Honor that some days you'll feel negative,
no matter what.
Try turning on your body-brilliance
If it doesn't go on,
then it's time to lower your expectations
-- for both yourself and your children.
Nurture + Connect.
And then get yourself some kid-free time
to cultivate you + feed your soul.
This week, let your brilliance guide you.
when you feel like a good parent,
you are a good parent.
You Got This.
Lots of love,
It's official: Spring break has begun for us.
2 whole weeks + 1 day.
One of my favorite things in the world
is to hit the neighborhood
with my son and his friends.
Rain or shine,
we bundle up,
take some snacks,
and hit the road for
I don't look at my phone,
and I tune into the kids.
The little things they see.
The flowers they pick up.
to greet neighbors walking by,
and give pedestrians the right of way.
There's usually one argument
on every trip,
giving us all the opportunity
to talk and better understand one another,
The pic was taken on
a window-shopping adventure.
When we headed out
the shopping mall door,
I walked behind the children.
Following their lead,
they paused by this empty flower bed.
Soon their shoes were off,
and they invented a racing
We had nowhere to be,
and all the time in the world
until their game came to end.
I breathed deeply.
Loving this moment they created.
A moment of spontaneity,
An endless moment in the life of children
Eternal food for the soul.
A moment of child led-play.
I thanked myself that I could slow down
to enjoy them,
and their play.
(Doesn't always happen!)
To embrace childhood.
Now it's your turn....
To step into their world.
The spontaneously fun
world of your children.
Where moments are endless,
and the pure goodness
of children's imaginations
give yourself and your children
You Got This.
Lots of love,
Some days you're just going to feel negative as a parent.
It's going to happen.
Negativity is unfortunately a part of life
--- but you can learn to work with it.
The trick is not to...
* Beat yourself up for feeling negative.
* Repress your feelings.
* Or take it out on your kids.
The key is to ...
* Own your emotions as your own.
* Honor your negative feelings.
(Because they tell you exactly what your unmet needs are.)
* Then you can meet your needs to transform your negativity.
This is the hard,
--- but also the most exhilarating,
work of being a parent
--- and being human
A story from my Thursday morning this week...
I woke up dragging with no energy for the day ahead of me,
especially getting my son out the door for school.
I wanted to yell and threaten.
Because he wasn't getting ready for school.
But I used this process to transform my negativity
by honoring the root cause of it.
Actually it was me who felt tired and exhausted by the day ahead.
It was me who was dragging to get out the door.
It wasn't my son being difficult or not listening.
He was just being a kid.
And my negativity was impairing my ability to communicate effectively to him.
I gave myself some positive self-talk.
"I'm feeling negative because I'm tired. It's been a huge week. I'm doing a lot. I don't have to be on my game all the time."
In that moment,
I let myself off the hook.
When I could honor my negative reality,
and see it not as a character flaw,
I let myself off the hook.
I gave myself permission to be human,
and run late for work.
When I lowered my expectations for myself,
and met my own needs for kindness and nurturing,
I could begin to enjoy being in my own skin.
Or at least tolerate how I was feeling in that moment.
I could let my son be a kid in that moment,
move in his own time
-- and even enjoy his morning dress-up
as we were getting ready.
(That's him in the picture above with the hat.
He was a Black Knight.)
You know what?
Even tho I gave myself permission to run late,
I was even on time for work!
I know if I had lost my cool,
my son and I would have felt bad inside,
I would have had to spend a ton of time
on recovery and reconnection,
and I definitely would have been late for work.
It takes practice to love and be kind to yourself,
so you can offer that same love and kindness
to your children.
And sometimes you may yell anyway.
But when you can....
* Honor your difficult emotions.
* Meet your own needs.
* Let yourself off the hook
by lowering your expectations for yourself
and valuing your relationship with yourself.
This is the work we do together everyday
in positive parenting.
It's not easy.
We're all learning,
and evolving together.
We can do this.
You can do it.
And we're here to support you.
Lots of love,
The theme in our community this week seems to be:
life is hard.
Goodness, can it ever be.
"No one ever said life is easy," is an adult realization I wish weren't true.
For some of us, the storms of life are light rains.
While others deal with regular tsunamis.
Reality is: we can't escape from the storms of life.
They are woven into the fabric of our existence.
Hopefully designed to make us stronger, and our lives better.
There's one thing you can do.
Today. Right now.
To get you through to the other side.
So your challenges don't bring you down
-- they uplift you.
Reach out to your people.
Set-up a get together with your people- your community of mama friends.
Simply pick up the phone or send a message and invite the people you love most
to a day at the park, an art day, or nature walk.
Or schedule in some time without the kids.
And then talk and share your experiences with them.
Complain and get it all out.
Support one another.
We're all designed to have the support of the people we love around us,
to get us through the storm.
So give yourself that gift of community support to get you through the storm...
And if you feel all alone and like you don't have a community behind you,
reach out to a Facebook group or a MeetUp, and find your people.
Your people are there waiting for you, waiting to support you.
Support from your people is one of the only things that will ever get you through the challenges and storms of life.
So you come out stronger than ever, and more powerfully you.
Let your people help you.
We need each other.
Lots of love and support,
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!