Photo by Rachel Hadiashar
We all make mistakes.
Try, try, try it again.
As grown-ups when we mess up, we usually know what to do.
But we're too overwhelmed for one reason or another to do the right thing.
For our children, when they make a mistake,
they literally don't know what to do,
or they've totally forgotten.
Because they're still learning,
and their brains are growing.
we are here to remind them of all that is right in the world.
The right thing to do, and the right thing to be.
Teaching our children what's right is one of our # 1 goals in parenting this next generation.
"Try it again"
is your ticket
with LOVE and RESPECT.
This morning, I used "Try it again"
5 times in a half hour.
Try it again sounds like this...
My son is seven.
We're working on keeping hands off someone's head,
asking first, or doing whatever the playful thing is
on your own head instead.
This morning, my son put a stuffed animal on my head.
"Try it again, " I said lightly, positively, while looking him in the eyes, and with a slight nod of my head.
He immediately said,
"Oh, I can do that on my own head."
And the little bear was instantly
dancing away on his head.
Before that, we were playing a board game.
He moved my piece.
We're working on this golden rule....
~ He moves his piece,
and I move my own piece when it's my turn. ~
"Try it again," I said after he moved
my piece on my turn.
"Oh yeah," and he moved my piece back
to where I was.
Joyfully, with no resistance,
like it was part of the game.
I wish all learning in life could be this simple + positive.
Maybe it can be?
We're all worthy of lovingly and respectfully getting another chance to do
what is right in life, both as parents and as children.
So give yourself the gift of "Trying it again," when you mess up or make a mistake.
The younger your child is, the more you'll break the "try it again" into baby steps,
adding simple clear Do Statements, or offering more help.
Try it again
creates new neural pathways to set the positive patterns we DO want in life.
Let's set the positive in stone.
try, try, try it again.
All the best,
this week was all about preparing for
the jackson county association for the education of young children conference
sharing positive playtime
with early childhood educators, advocates, and parents in the medford, or area.
such an amazing experience
preparing, presenting, and traveling
combining so many of my loves in life
in one 14 hour experience
love to teach
learn so much from others
i see every one of my classes
like a mastermind,
a growing movement
love to share what i do
and my passion
to inspire others
to live their highest selves
with the tools to transform
the stress + challenges
into their gifts + blessings
especially at an amazing conference
dedicated to early childhood,
with such an inspiring group of people
love to network
to visit new places
and the whole deal around traveling
it was a beautiful 14 hours
and 6 am flights have their perks
watching the sun begin it's day
above it all
little piece of heaven
Wishing you a little piece of heaven this week, and beyond.
Lots of love,
Your life is a gift.
But does it ever feel like
one endless to-do-list?
I need to _____, ______ & ______."
And the list goes on and on.
It can feel so overwhelming and unsatisfying.
One little shift in perspective
I learned from one of the moms in business
I follow (maybe Michelle?)
can make all the difference.
Change your "I need to..."
to "I get to...."
I get to....
* feed my family nourishing food.
* feel warm water running
over my hands as I do the dishes.
* make this _____ clean again.
* help my children learn how to be awesome people.
* nourish my body with good food.
* shop for what we need.
I'm not saying your life will be perfect.
Or you'll float through your days
like Mary Poppins (or maybe you will).
But when I can shift
my mind to a place of gratitude,
I suddenly have the energy to do
all the things I want to
---with less resistance + resentment
and more joy and ease.
And you deserve more joy and ease.
For your life is a gift,
as is raising your beautiful children.
what do you get to do?
All the best,
I been tired this past week.
Tired like a slug.
In bed, asleep by 8 pm.
At the latest.
Sleeping in til 6:30,
which is like noon
in my world.
I did get my video in for B-School earlier in the week
Like floating on a cloud to Marie Forleo.
It was a life-changing experience,
even if I'm not doing B-School this year.
But after that, I was done.
To just let myself rest.
Rejuvenate with sleep.
But sometimes it feels depressing.
This Portland rain doesn't help.
Seems like I have a week like this,
once a month.
Full days, yes.
Nothing left at night.
Sleeping hard and sound.
And then it shifted
with Friday night.
I cried, danced, got my head on straight.
Got some time alone.
Saturday morning, woke up.
Did a work-out for the first time in a week plus.
intenSati and Patricia Moreno are such a saving grace.
Work it out and get my head on straight.
intensati has connected me with the strength of me.
Saturday, went to a Memorial Service for a dear monk
and attended a fund-raiser for our new school building.
Back at it again on Sunday, but with energy renewed.
And the sun shone for us too.
Making all the difference.
I talked to my grandma,
who's getting close to 90
--and still wears heels
wherever she goes.
She asked me,
"Do you have a new friend yet?"
--- for New York time.
"Uh, not really Gram.
"Oh, that's too bad."
Yeah, I guess it is.
"Did you finish school?"
"Nope. I'm busy.
It's hard to fit it in."
Guess I'm busy.
Too busy for a man.
Too busy to finish that degree I been working on for 8 years.
But I keep on.
By Sunday evening,
I've scheduled a pod cast
and two potential guest blog spots
on my story about parenting after child abuse.
I notice this trend,
when I feel most exhausted,
I'm usually right around the corner
from my next breakthrough.
So here's to the week ahead.
Getting my stuff together.
And here's to your next week of...
embracing the rejuvenation
that leads you
to your next breakthrough.
And if you got a grandma still on earth,
go give her a call.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Yet another Hallmark holiday I stopped celebrating
---until I became a mom.
Now I love it.
All the heart art we make.
Picking out cute little gifts for my boy.
And the focus on l-o-v-e.
We all value love in our lives.
But everyone feels and experiences love differently.
One of the best ways to strength the love within yourself and your family,
is to understand your Love Languages.
For years, parents have told me how the 5 Love Languages
have transformed their family relationships.
For when you understand how you and your loved ones express love,
you can begin to speak the "right" language
to reach your hearts!
Are you ready to learn your family's Love Languages?
Visit the 5lovelanguages.com and click "Discover Your Love Language"
to better understand how you and your family members
feel, express, and value love in your own unique ways.
Also, check out this Love Language Quiz for children.
Designed for 9 -12 year olds, my 7 year old son enjoyed answering the questions.
I found out Quality Time Together is my son's love language.
So when my little guy asks me to play a game, or do an activity,
I now see our together time filling up his love cup.
And I can also remember if he is having a hard time,
or we are feeling disconnected,
that quality time together is the ticket.
Have fun learning the love languages of your family,
so you can speak heart-to-heart
--the foundation for positive parenting!
And Happy Valentine's Day,
-- here's to cultivating more love
in our lives everyday of the week.
All the best,
A friend was sharing recently
about the power of
as a parent.
Recognizing the unique
each child has.
And especially recognizing
your children's feelings and experiences
that you wish you could change.
Your child may be
totally different from.
Or exactly like you.
And both may be triggering.
(Feeling emotionally triggered lately?
A parent in my online program
share this powerful article.)
we all value honoring our children
for who they are.
But reality is often different.
Say, your child....
* has (what seems like) daily temper tantrums
* doesn't give two cents about their homework
* clings to you every time you go anywhere,
or even leave the room
* is extremely difficult to get out of bed in the morning
* has difficulty sharing
These are real life parenting struggles.
Little moments that can dominate a day,
in the negative.
Moments that cause you to want to pull your hair out.
When you wish your little ones would just "get over it."
It's hard to not take your children's behavior personally.
These issues often require "parenting scaffolding"
--a dynamic mix of magical + practical
positive parenting tools.
But for today,
one tool can begin to change your world,
and shift that problem behavior.
Simply recognize "what is" for your children.
Whatever your children are experiencing:
Don't try to change it.
Just honor _____ as part of your child's learning.
With simple emotional recognition.
Simply Recognizing Formula:
1) Notice what your child is experiencing.
Notice if you feel upset/triggered.
Stay centered in neutrally noticing what is.
Try to turn off the judgement part of your brain.
2) Neutralize it.
Consciously separate yourself from your children's experiences.
This is about them, not about you.
They have a right to their feelings and experiences.
It is not your job to change what your children are feeling.
3) Simply recognize and emotionally affirm.
Say: "You feel____,"
as if you were stating the time.
The key is....
to feel this statement
"You feel ______"
with every fiber of your being.
Let a wave of acceptance
wash over you
through Simply Recognizing
what is for your children.
"You're upset right now."
"You really want that toy."
"Getting up for school is hard in the morning."
"You'd rather play than do homework."
"You don't want to leave the park."
"You feel sad when I leave, and you miss me."
4) Pause and don't try to fix anything.
Do you know that feeling of
"this person gets me,
---even when I'm not at my best
I'm honored for who I am?"
That kind of feeling.
That is the #1 goal of Simply Recognizing.
your children's experiences
as saying what time it is,
and with the power of honoring
who they are.
Use Simply Recognizing like you mean business.
Let your emotional affirmation
hang in the air,
envelope the situation,
so it can do its magic,
to shift the moment,
by fully acknowledging
that whatever it is your children
is 100% legit.
When Simply Recognizing
has wrapped your children's challenge
in your unconditional love and acceptance,
you can move intro problem-solving,
and focusing on solutions (not punishments)
-- a parenting tool for another day.
Simply Recognizing is
deep, profound, and straight-forward.
See how even 30 seconds
of Simply Recognizing
can begin to shift
some of the most grid-locked behaviors
in your home.
We support the power of you.
Let us know how it goes!
All the best,
p.s. Every Sunday,
I send out a Parenting Star Tool:
a positive parenting tool to bring more
fun, peace & respect to your home.
Please use your best judgement,
as not every tool fits every situation.
Enjoy these tools?
Request to join
the Parenting for the Next Generation
for community support + empowerment.
Have a wonderful week!
Parents often ask me about....
bribing their children.
What do I think about using bribery?
Well, how do you feel when you use bribery?
--is usually my reply.
Bribery is a slippery slope.
It make "work" in the short term,
but what is the long-term impact?
And what if bribery doesn't "work" in the moment?
What do you do next as a parent?
Many parents get in the habit of saying "If..."
"If you pick up, you can watch a show."
"If you eat your dinner, you can have a cookie."
Even "if" can be problematic.
To begin with, "if" implies there's a choice
rather than clearly and respectively
sending the message,
"This is what's happening now.
Let's do it!"
I am a fan of setting up one's schedule
in a why that is logical,
helpful to parents,
and motivating to children.
In Positive Discipline,
we use this tool:
"As soon as you _____,
you may _____."
You can use it like this...
"As soon as you put the puzzle away,
you can get out another toy."
"As soon as you put your jacket on,
you can go outside."
"As you soon as you finish your homework,
we can talk about what's next."
"As soon as you brush your teeth,
we can read our bedtime story."
This tool sets up your daily schedule
in a way to get things done,
and to move through your day
with more cooperation + ease.
Here's some pointers with
"As soon as you ___,
you may ____."
* Remember the importance of
tone of voice + body language,
and to be clear and feel confident.
* Be willing to model the behavior yourself
or offer a helping hand.
While there's no one magic positive parenting tool
to address every situation,
parents have had great success using:
"As soon as you _____,
you may ______"
instead of "If you do this...."
or bribing their children.
Give it a try and let us know how it goes!
All the best,
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family!